The global pandemic has owned the headline space since March and while we continue adjusting to keeping healthy, wearing masks, embracing restrictions, and virtually embracing from six feet…one thing has not slowed down…the opportunities to parent. The parent & child relationship has been thrust into unknown territory – no one has had to parent in a global pandemic since the early 1900’s, so we’re all flying blind on this one. I have three children (incoming freshman at Michigan State University, a junior in High School, and an eighth grader), so as I reflect back on this spring/summer, we’ve continued to parent as best we can during these crazy times. Even though this pandemic hasn’t made things easy (talk track in our house starting March 12th …Child: “Can we go out?” – Parent: “No…we’re sheltering in place!”- Child: “This sucks!” – Parent: “Thanks for that input, good chat.”), it has afforded me the opportunity to reflect on so many things, and one of the things I’ve reflected on is my incessant desire to control things that just aren’t built for control. As a method to curtail my controlling nature, I like to compare my life to a river (when I let things flow it can feel effortless and when I jump off the raft and try to control the flow of the river, swimming upstream, life becomes more challenging and exhausting). The more I parent during COVID-19, I have shifted metaphors. Metaphors are my spirit animal, so bear with me on this one. Life feels like a puzzle more than a river because I feel like I’m playing a part in building something, not simply coasting down the river. I am building my own resilience, building the ability to be compassionate and this “puzzle” isn’t the kind of puzzle that gives a picture of what the puzzle is intended to look like when completed…this COVID-19 parenting puzzle is going to give you NO sign of what the end game looks like and you only receive a couple pieces per week. Our oldest graduates from Dearborn High School on Tuesday, July 14th. My wife and I will walk with him (followed closely by a minivan with his brother, sister, and grandparents) and together, and mostly six feet apart, we’ll celebrate the latest chapter of his journey or maybe I’ll begin calling graduation his next “puzzle piece”.
Immediately following graduation we’ll pivot toward his adventures at Michigan State University. Dorm rooms, social distancing, on-line class schedules, “hybrid learning”, and another set of pieces to this puzzle and we’ll do what we can to support him in building a beautiful picture.
Puzzles may take time, puzzles may feel complex, puzzles may create some frustration AND…puzzles can be rewarding, they can display a beautiful design when complete, and if they break apart, they can be rebuilt. Most importantly for me, I recognized that all of the pieces of a puzzle are different. Different curves and corners are required to finish that puzzle and it takes all of these differences in order to build something beautiful, so as a parent…I’m working to embrace the differences that my children bring to this opportunity, not control them in any way, shape, or form.
As my wife and I continue to parent our children through these unique times, let’s remember that their ideas, their perspectives, and their interests may be very different than ours, and that’s a good thing. It is the differences that can make our families such beautiful things. I can’t control what the pieces look like, I can’t control when the pieces are given to us, yet I can choose to keep a safe distance and support my children in building the best looking puzzle possible, with the pieces they are given.
If you enjoy these posts – you might enjoy one of my books, “Happiness is Over There” or “They All Went Inside” – both share stories that readers have deemed…inspiring. Both books share my passion for love, creative thought, introspection, and personal accountability (in very different ways) and proceeds from these sales are donated to The Amity Foundation of Dearborn and The Manistee County Child Advocacy Center (both care for families in need). Through my publishing business, Paperclip Thinking LLC, I offer speaking engagements on these topics and in select situations, I offer Family Coaching to those interested in becoming Paperclip Thinkers. You can buy books through my website www.paperclipthinking.com/buymybooks or you can email me at travis@paperclipthinking.com with any questions.