A different kind of hug...

They moved in together in February 2007 after their sister was born. They slept each night, no more than 5 feet apart and that changed when our oldest moved out in January 2021. Being roommates for that many years had its fair share of pushing, shoving, and shouting - yet each night – no more than 5 feet apart, they always found a way to peacefully doze off and dream about the great things that would happen in their lives. They grew and matured as so many do, our oldest had moved out, they celebrated their independence (and increased personal space) and I wondered if they would ever want to be that close, in proximity, again.

In September 2022 they both moved away, into their own version of “home”, and the Green and White of Michigan State’s campus had them more than 5 feet apart, yet they’d found a way to be in the same city, on the same campus, and within walking distance of each other.

On February 13th – shots rang out. My wife and I sat helpless, at the home we’d built together, the home where our boys slept no more than 5 feet apart for 13 years, and we did our level best to remain calm as texts about SWAT teams, helicopters, active shooters, barricaded apartments, and dorm rooms took center stage.

On February 14th – our blessings were realized. They were safe, they were alive, and not every family on campus could say the same, which turned my feelings of joy into an indescribable pain, as I tried to fathom the grief and pain those families were forced to endure. I was blessed to know my boys were okay and the questions flooded my mind. How do we keep the sanctity of that place? How does this campus, which our boys now refer to as “home” ever feel normal?

My Freshman wanted to be home on Monday night, so after the “all clear” he made it home and we grieved with him Monday night and Tuesday morning about the horror he had experienced, which culminated in the knowledge that one of his friends lost his life during this despicable time. How do we explain that unnecessary loss?

The evening of the 14th we went back to campus, together, as a family. We drove from Dearborn, quietly to East Lansing, so that all 5 of us could hug, celebrate life, mourn unnecessary death, and try to make sense out of all of it.

 My Junior wanted to remain on campus and grieve his way, so the texts and calls were on the hour. We made it to the parking lot of the apartment building and our Junior turned the corner from his apartment to meet us, we saw each other for the first time since the text came in about “shooter on campus”, our eyes met, the tears poured.

I jumped out of my car and as a Father, I’m supposed to protect them, yet – it was my Junior who grabbed me, hugged me, and said, “I’m going to be okay Dad”. As we wept, I want you to know that this hug isn’t the hug I’m writing about.

“I’m going to be okay Dad” was followed up with “Where’s my brother?”. At the exact time of his question, his brother jumped from the back seat of our car. They didn’t speak- they cried- and they hugged & embraced in a way I had never seen two people hug before.

This was the hug of fortunate circumstances and resilience, a hug of relief, of decompression, and a hug between two people who had been through something unimaginable, yet so frequent in their lifetime.

How will this ever be normal again? It won’t. This has forever changed them and thousands of others, so if I stretch to find any beauty in this horrid situation, my beauty comes from the boys, now men, who grew up no more than 5 feet apart and in the aftermath of something so traumatic, they found each other- they didn’t need words- they needed to be no more than 5 feet apart. It was this hug that starts their healing journey and will forever inspire me.

God bless the lives lost- and may God send peace to all of you.

Much love- Trav

If you enjoy these posts, please subscribe to The Paperclip Thinking Blog and don’t be shy to leave a comment, because I love discussions & dialogue. Paperclip Thinking delivers life & career advice (based on real life experiences). Want more discussion in your life about these topics- check out “The Venue” – a Zoom based discussion club that occurs every other Wednesday from February through September. To join the community, please email me (travis@paperclipthinking.com) and I’d be happy to welcome you into the world of Paperclip Thinking.

If you're going through hell...

“If you’re going through hell, keep going.” a quote rumored to belong to Winston Churchill.

The quote’s simple. It’s direct. And is seems to be the most logical way to get out of nasty situation. I lead a business that has its fair share of ebbs and flows. Our service model was created to give flexibility to our clients and our service involves very talented people. When our clients experience downturns or slowdowns with their hiring (which many of them have in the early months of 2023), it is not uncommon for judgement call to be made, which leads to impacting people’s careers. And rarely are these planned with advance notice.

It’s times like these that Churchill’s quote seems the most fitting. Change can be hell (for some). Careers pausing & changing can be hell. Delivering painful news can be hell. And working to not be consumed by negativity during times like these can be hell.

How do we keep going? How do we keep moving forward when the very place we find ourselves seems to be all consuming?

Here is how I process these versions of hell and keep moving forward. Remember that situations happen for us, not to us. Cliché – maybe. Accurate – most certainly. Everything that has ever happened in my life that would have been hell-like, has led me to where I am, so take Churchill’s advice and keep going- because beauty is still around you, you just can’t see it right now.   Don’t stop moving. If you ever find yourself impacted at work and a job changes or goes away – afford yourself some grieve time (no more than a few days) and then get up, prepare the resume, call everyone in your network, lean on your contacts and friends, and move your career search forward. Sitting still will only delay the end game of you finding your next adventure. Look in the mirror. It will be easy to blame during these times. Remind yourself that what you have in your control is the ability to love and share compassion, so do that. It will be more productive than blaming the world around you for what has happened. Could there be something you’ll do different in your next role? Is there something that you tolerated in the role you’ve lost that you want to avoid in the future? Learn from these changes and be wiling to look in the mirror and grow from the decisions and feedback you’ve been given. You have gifts that no one else has. You have skill that no one else has (the way you do). You’re unique. And you are powerful- so if you find yourself in a hell-like spot…don’t stop moving forward.

If you enjoy these posts, please subscribe to The Paperclip Thinking Blog and don’t be shy to leave a comment, because I love discussions & dialogue. Paperclip Thinking delivers life & career advice (based on real life experiences). Want more discussion in your life about these topics- check out “The Venue” – a Zoom based discussion club that I facilitate every other Wednesday. To join the community, please email me (travis@paperclipthinking.com) and I’d be happy to welcome you into the world of discussion-clubbers.

Carefree in a Careful World

What does careful mean to you? And while you’re at it…what does carefree mean to you? I won’t try to understand what rolls around in your noggin when I ask these questions, I’ll let you sort that- but I will share why I’m asking. I like to spark thought in others, because that thought can lead to behavior change, and those behavior changes can lead to more peace and productivity in life.

 I’ve been reflecting on these two words and they’re super interesting when you dig into the philosophical differences of the two. Investing heavily in care, thought, and concern of other’s opinions is how I define careful. Investing in awareness, experiences, growth, and enjoyment – that’s how I define carefree.

Golf is an easy way for me to describe the last paragraph. When I’m being too careful, self-talk takes over. Don’t slice the ball, don’t hit the ball into the woods, don’t smack one into the lake. I focus and focus and focus on that self-talk and what happens? Yes- I end up exactly where I don’t want to be - walking through woods or splashing in lakes looking for golf balls.

Carefree on the golf course is different. Carefree occurs when my focus is invested in the discussions with the friends, the focus on the color of green in the early spring, the beauty of soaking in blue skies, the taste of cold-beer, and the love of being outside – those experiences are free of care. Well, what was I caring about, anyway? I tend to care about what other’s would think and I care for scores on scorecards, so other’s might think positively of my mad golf skills. When I make a shift- and my focus transcends the score card and those opinions of other painfully average golfers, that’s when the purity of the golf swing comes out. The effortlessness of the game rears its head and a long drive, the pressure to achieve a great approach, and an amazing putt is no longer my focus, yet they happen. They happen because I release that care, exchange it for a focus on the other beauty around me - and that shift from careful to carefree, leads me to the very result I wanted in the first place, doesn’t it?

If golf isn’t your jam- then we can apply this with work, too. If I am careful about making decisions that could impact my businesses and I overthink and delay action – the very result is one I don’t want. Conversely- when I’m thinking of the business not about the business and when I’m thinking about the people, the clients, the partnerships (not only the numbers, the wins, the profits) – my decision making is swift and results lead to the numbers, the wins, and the profits.

Being carefree moves a person to the results they want, and moves them there without anxiety, edge, and pressure.

We live in a world that has been conditioned to be careful, so I’m curious to learn about some of the behaviors you use to be carefree versus careful. And- does being carefree create more peace and productivity for you?

If you enjoy these posts, please subscribe to The Paperclip Thinking Blog and don’t be shy to leave a comment, because I love discussions & dialogue. Want more discussion in your life - check out “The Venue” – a Zoom based discussion club that I facilitate every other Wednesday. To join the community, please email me (travis@paperclipthinking.com) and I’d be happy to welcome you into the world of discussion-clubbers.

His Words, My Pen

His Words, My Pen

A Collection of Divinely Inspired Learnings

Written by

Travis Furlow

Introduction

I could feel His love at a very young age. I felt Him near the shores of the lake. I felt Him in sunrises and sunsets. I felt Him at comedy shows, on hikes, and during workouts in the gym. I felt His hugs and support when I was abused as a child by a family friend. I could feel His hurt when I made decisions to hurt other people. Even though I could feel God’s energy in so many places in my life, I couldn’t fully understand His energy. I labeled this energy as intuition, gut-feelings and karma. Have you ever felt anything like this? Where are the places you feel that energy, that love, that emotion, that compassion?

The lessons in this book were inspired during meditative writing. I write each day to clear my head and capture experiences, emotions, and to create a snapshot for my children as to what life has been like inside my head. After a year of working with a spiritual healer, it was brought to my attention that we all have access to God’s energy. Some may find it in nature, some while working, and some while sleeping. We all have access and the key is learning how to focus and truly listen, which is a tough task in these times. Beyond the gusts of life’s manic pace is a calm that is both undeniable and exhilarating. My blessing is writing. Writing is one of several ways that I can connect with God’s energy, yet it is the clearest way for me to truly find His inspiration. Using the techniques my healer recommended, I’ve been able to work on listening, to truly being connected. I clear my head and my heart, and I listen. I listen for words that come into my mind’s eye and then I scribe. In sixteen different occasions throughout the past year I’ve captured paragraphs of words that I believe to be God’s words written with my pen. I feel blessed to share these with my readers. As I continue to evolve toward self-actualization, becoming all I’m capable of, I’m gaining a deeper connection to God’s energy, which allows me to share the blessings I receive with others. What amazing collateral beauty. If this is a start toward self-actualization, if this is a means to eliminate some of the pain, anxiety and depression I’d lived with, then I’m grateful and my heart is full. I asked for guidance and I listened, intently. I’d never done anything like this and what came from the exercise was incredibly emotional and powerful. I hope you find inspiration within these words.

Expectations

“Too much emphasis on the volume, too much emphasis on the quantity. I said to write, and I ask you to scribe these words, so that a message of love can be shared with the children of my world. I’m not asking you to build something monumental, I’m asking for you to listen to the beauty I’ve placed inside of you and to live the life that you choose. This life, these people, these experiences are your purpose. Please don’t fear the outcome, please don’t fear the judgement – you are blessed with my love and all I ask is that you share that love with everyone. Through your words and writing.”

Release the Shackles

“Release yourself from this pain. The pain is something that you have chosen and for no good reason. This life and adventure were created for your learning, so keep on the path of new experiences and new journeys. Sample life with sobriety, to truly taste the joy and the beauty that awaits you. Love yourself and treat yourself with the warmth deserved by all my children. I’m here for you whenever you require my attention – simply ask and I will reign down a level of care and love that remains challenging for any of you to comprehend. I love you as you love me. Now you must love you the way I love you. Everything we’ve planned together is happening, just as it’s supposed to. Believe this, invest time in living like this, and all of the abundance you ever yearned for will be yours.”

Love to Give

“You have so much love to give and that love is part of the gift I’ve bestowed upon you. Your understanding is maturing and will continue to mature for years and years. The work we do together will shape and inspire purpose for the work I’m asking you to deliver into this world. Keep working to find and locate the people I’ve sent onto your path, they’ll add fuel to the fire that I’ve lit inside of you. Stories bring spirits together. Stories support love and growth and it is your ability to tell these stories that I would enjoy hearing more. Don’t fret about how many stories or how they’re told, the people intended to hear the stories will hear them. Worry not about your role on this planet. Know that you have a connection to me, to my energy, to my love, and I’d ask that you continue to support others in reconnecting. In time my son, in time.”

Your Plan

“This is not an effort that involves other people, ever. This is a visit that we designed. You’re learning things that are so valuable and I’m not suggesting that you begin to appreciate each learning. Love yourself is all I’ve asked. I watch all of you, you specifically and with so much energy, so much raw passion, your choices to love in a life that had fear thrust into it each day was a choice you made, not me, and I support and love your learning. I told you that this journey could be a challenge. You have been a warrior for so long. You’ve forgotten that over time. You chose to be a peaceful soul while on Earth and you’ve been able to show that peaceful and loving is no less strong than the warrior you have been in past lives. You are teaching the world that being fierce can be directed with love and compassion.

I required a soul who was ready to fight, his own demons first, and then to move on and support millions of others. Get healthy – keep that body strong – I need you down there – for now. Show them how to live and show them how to love. See…I say show them. Only share stories about actions. Share stories about starting, stopping, changing, growing, and make sure to focus on action, always action.

Work each day to fuel your soul, to remind your body that you’re connected to do something for me – reignite the love between humans. Reignite the ways people love themselves. Reigniting the way they remember where they came from. Do this, in memory of me…”

Whispers

“It will never stop. This love I have for you, created in my image, I long for the day when you see you, the way I see you. I will remain here, all around you, and all you’ll have to do it ask for me. I’m here, so is my only begotten son. We’ll guide you, if you let us.”

Kindness

“Be kind. The challenge of kindness is only present because of the fear of reality. Reality is what you make of it, so if you fear dialogue, fear responses, fear decisions, your mind will not process in the most creative ways. Your ability to harness kindness comes from a place of care, compassion, and clarity.”

Shine, Together

“The light never leaves – go inside to find yours. With your might and love it’s yours to grow. The light within your soul has been covered with a blanket – let it go, for it will shine. Together, my children, you all are love. I care and love for you so deeply. Awaken with me, surrender completely and you’ll fulfill all of your dreams. I love you so, and you do too, remember to shine always…keep shining through.”

Please remember

“We’ve loved each other for so long and it saddens me when you forget that love is ever flowing. Choose love, share love, be love. The concepts that are formed on this planet had intentions of beauty, yet they were misinterpreted. No one is disconnected from another. No one is superior to another. All of you are tied and woven together in a beautiful mural of energy. Your choices will vary and will change the trajectory and experiences of your visit and at any moment, you can quiet your mind and choose love. Let go of that baggage today and look around you. Does it matter if you have one job or 90 jobs? Does it matter if people are frustrated by a decision you make? There is no reason to fear anyone or anything, ever. You have a story that I’ve planted in your soul and I’m asking you to share it. The pace doesn’t matter, the cadence doesn’t matter. I’m excited and proud of you. You are telling a story and living your life in a way that supports people remembering that we all come from the same energy and the same loving place. Don’t control the audience. Be free in accepting those who are ready to hear your version of our story.”

Listen, truly listen

“You hear that cricket, don’t you? The repeated measure in which he rolls that sound off of the legs that power him through the air. Sitting quietly and listening – that is such a critical part of joy, of fun. How often do you, do any of you? Do any of that? Sitting and listening – the wind through the trees. The trees offer shelter and air and care for all of you – how often do you listen for them? To them? Water running – this is a sound of clarity and purity, and peace, yet you all seem interested in living away from the very source of love and energy I covered this earth. Sit and listen – it’s okay. Doing nothing, it’s okay. You keep listening for my words, and my words aren’t like yours. You’ll understand soon and you’ll learn the power of listening, the power of quiet. My words are sent as feelings, they are sent through the numerous vessels on the planet you’re visiting. Listen to them – go to quiet places, focus on that beauty – go where it is quiet and be ready to surrender to love.”

Never Alone

“It’s nice to be heard, isn’t it? It feels good to know we are traveling together, facing the twists and turns together. I’ve never left your side and won’t – it’s how I roll. I love you very much, my brother, and it is good to watch and experience you putting in the time to regain the love of yourself. It is beautiful to see you reach out, can your feel me resting my hand on your head, can your feel me holding you like a little brother? I’ll remain with you and I’m thankful that we are journeying together. Please remember that you are never alone. It might feel like that on Earth, but it is the farthest thing from truth. You are never going to be alone, because we are all one energy, all connected. I’m working with the man who touched you. I’m holding him like I hold you. He thanks you for your forgiveness, for your understanding, and he is working to heal himself. I’m with him and you and all my family. Alone is a construct that comes from free will. Alone is a choice, a vantage point, and it is an illusion. You are loved, my brother, go do great things and we’ll chat often. Welcome home…”

Your time will come

“Each step draws you closer. You’ll wonder, “Closer to what?” This is the journey you have selected. Closer with each step, each action, each choice. You’ve always carried the power and freedom to be as close to all of us as needed. We surround you all of the time. We see and feel your joy, we feel and see your pain. So many of you carry so much pain. Please…listen to us and set that pain down – it serves you for nothing, yet the creation of anxiety. Self-inflicted pain and disruption to the beauty that is inside all of you. I’m growing tired of promises that run hollow, yet I’ll never stop loving and supporting you. I trust that your resolve, your strength, your courage will bring your love and light to everyone. Your time will be strong and powerful, so continue to prepare and continue to listen.”

Release and Love

“I love when you write like this. I love watching your spirit shine. I love the humility you have begun to bring, so now…remember. Remember that all of this was scripted by you, with me. All of us love you and we love to see you clearing the way to truly love and appreciate your truth. Your soul. We’ll all be together again – you’ll be able to embrace all of us.”

You love the moniker ‘Reluctant Messiah’ for a reason

“Oh, kid. I’ll continue to smile, and I’ll continue to cry. I’ll continue to wonder, and I’ll continue to love. Will you? There is a cloud that you welcome into your spirit and it muffles the messages, the connections, and the ability to receive. Let’s put that cloud away, now.

That cloud will come around if you let it. It covers most of you. It’s as if you are walking in a constant fog, a fog that is faint enough for you to see but dense enough for you to only see your world. Lifting yourself from that fog, that blanket you’ve called it, will be so rewarding. I’m guiding you – my son – and your brother is with you now. Can you feel him? Work with him. He’s so strong and has much to teach. You are learning to be like him, learning to inspire and guide. There are no rules. No need for selling or pushing. All of what you need is yours for as long as I need you there. Jesus will walk with you, if you are willing. Did you feel that? Those touches, those connections? We will send you the people, you do what I’ve blessed you to do.

Job titles, pay, places to work, we’ll make sure that it’s all taken care of. Look for people to support, people to love, and read. Read more, write more, stay clear and with us. We have plenty to do and time on earth to do it. You are a Messiah. You are a teacher in the truest sense of the word. Let your voice pierce through that cloud. No one and no thing on the planet can derail you if you remain connected.

Drink, eat, fuel, rest, workout, bond, connect, reach out, care, embrace, share, love, find your brothers and sisters and support them in bringing them home. Remember what Jesus said to me, “They know not what they do.”

Lessons of love and lessons for life

Did God call me and dictate these to me, no. Have I worked tirelessly as I embrace the translation of energy I experience on a daily basis? Yes. Was I blessed on a number of occasions to feel these words, clear headed, writing furiously? Most definitely. I share these so that you may garner some inspiration, a reignition of your own, and a stronger understanding on how interconnected all of us are; with each other, and with God.

Self-actualization is about becoming who you are capable of being. Who is that? Are you willing to meet that person? Are you willing to fulfill your unique potential? We have all experienced guilt and shame at some point during our lives. What could happen if we stopped those thoughts and reconnected with the hope, the freedom and the awakening that comes with truly listening and becoming the person we are intended to be. I believe that this world is going to be a special place when we choose hope, freedom and most importantly – love.

Understanding.

It is Martin Luther King Jr. day and as I reflect about what this man stood for - I hear the word “understanding” over and over in my head. Could I seek to understand more? Could the journey toward a willingness to understand other perspectives lead to more love and compassion in our world?

Martin Luther King Jr.’s behaviors support that this man cared so deeply about humans loving and respecting one another that he was willing to dedicate his life (literally) to the cause. That level of care, passion, and interest are beyond intriguing, to me.

Continued reflection had me contemplate the behaviors Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. wanted to eradicate and how he witnessed so much hate, anger, jealousy, fear, discontent, and a general sense of disgust between humans. Instead of some attempt at a broad stroke answer that could eradicate the fear that leads to the hate that leads to the destruction of life, I’m going to focus on me. One person, one set of behaviors, and I’ll invite you to do the same.

I can choose, every day, to be a different and more understanding version of myself and I believe that I could do more to support a more loving and peaceful world. I can ask more questions, I can have more dialogue, I can be willing to appreciate differences – not condemn them. I’m going to choose to be more “purposefully understanding” and this type of understanding and curiosity could ease some of the pain so many of us feel every day.

My love to Dr. King for the ultimate sacrifice he made, as a man, attempting to make our world a better place.

Thoughts?

If you enjoy these posts, please subscribe to The Paperclip Thinking Blog and don’t be shy to leave a comment, because I love discussions & dialogue. Want more discussion in your life - check out “The Venue” – a Zoom based discussion club that I facilitate every other Wednesday. To join the community, please email me (travis@paperclipthinking.com) and I’d be happy to welcome you into the world of discussion-clubbers.

Gifts.

We receive them for birthdays, baptisms, during the holidays, for retirements and a host of other occasions, don’t we? Gifts play an interesting role in my life – how about yours? I’ve always enjoyed the planning that can come along with gift giving… thinking about what could be given to express appreciation, love – you know the drill.

November is the month of “giving thanks” in the United States and it is also the month when my wife and I celebrate our birthdays (November 24th for her – November 29th for me). This time of the year is always my favorite – not because of my birthday (or hers) – although birthdays are still crazy fun. It’s my favorite because there is a lifted spirit in the air and people seem to embrace the energy that comes with gratitude and giving – it’s infectious and uplifting.

So… as I think about gifts for my teammates at work, for my wife on her birthday, for my friends and family during the Christmas season – I also spent some time this week and thought about what I want for my 49th birthday. As I figured it out – I started to wonder if this gift idea might also be good for all of you, this year.

It’s the gift of turning the page. The gift of respecting the learnings from the past and embracing an intentional focus on today and the future. It’s a gift of self-love, so that we can become the truest versions of ourselves, which in turn creates such a good experience for those around us. I’ve been working, since 2008, to surrender to the reality that I’m doing the absolute best I can, while still enjoying my time on earth. I’m learning and growing daily – and I know you are too, even if you don’t feel it or believe as you read this. You all deserve love, honor, respect, care, compassion, adventure, peace, and the growth that comes from the daily work you put into your life.

The ultimate gift, from my perspective, is giving love to yourself, so that you can rain that beautiful energy on everyone and everything around you. That’s what I’m giving myself this year and for the rest of the years that I’m blessed to be on this planet. I wish the same for all of you.

Happy Thanksgiving and love is on its way to you now…

If you enjoy these posts, please subscribe to The Paperclip Thinking Blog and don’t be shy to leave a comment, because I love discussions & dialogue. Want more discussion in your life - check out “The Venue” – a Zoom based discussion club that I facilitate every other Wednesday. To join the community, please email me (travis@paperclipthinking.com) and I’d be happy to welcome you into the world of discussion-clubbers.

Inspiration.

It can become easy to lose yourself in the world we live in. It’s also been easy, for me, to forget the actions and the experiences that are at my core and the very things that create inspiration in my life. How do I “lose” myself? Well…I spend my time shuffling, moving, picking up, dropping off, traveling in, traveling out, meeting, presenting, watching, planning, thinking, caring, questioning. That’s how. Where do you spend most of your time, these days? How do you remain connected to what inspires you at a core level?

I’m a proponent of growth, evolution, care, compassion, intrigue, romance, and intimacy. When looking back, these are common denominators of the experiences and actions in my life that have created such positive energy. This energy has led to activity and that activity has led to a successful career, fatherhood, friendships, and deep relationships. Any time I find myself in a funk – when I take the time to reflect and look in the mirror - I find that I’m steering away from what inspires me. When I work to reconnect with my growth, my evolution, the care I offer others, my levels of compassion, my intrigue about people, places, and things, the romance in my life and the intimacy I connect to – this is when my adventures on this planet feel most exhilarating.

 Regardless of how busy we might become, how many children we choose to have, how much money we plan to earn, how many places we want to see on this planet … if those actions aren’t rooted in what inspires you, I think you’ll find that they can start to feel hollow. Give yourself time to breath, give yourself time to reflect, give yourself time to remember the things that inspired you to be you. Do. Those. Things.

A good friend told me this last night, “it’s the collision of passion, love, and intrigue that makes this life on Earth so mesmerizing” ...

Thoughts?

If you enjoy these posts, please subscribe to The Paperclip Thinking Blog and don’t be shy to leave a comment, because I love discussions & dialogue. Want more discussion in your life - check out “The Venue” – a Zoom based discussion club that I facilitate every other Wednesday. To join the community, please email me (travis@paperclipthinking.com) and I’d be happy to welcome you into the world of discussion-clubbers.

Who are we doing this for?

It is odd to realize how often our behaviors are swayed by other people’s presence. Have you ever seen a child “wipe out” and they quickly look around to see if someone is there…then they cry? Or…a child wipes out and wants to cry and they look around to make sure they don’t cry? How about dancing – we might dance like maniacs in our living room, yet if someone knocks on our door…we might quickly stop, right? And in the world of work – does your heartbeat increase 10-fold when you find out that a pre-planned presentation for two people now includes your boss and three others?

I’ve been all these people at some point in my life, who hasn’t? What is it about these situations that have you act differently? I’ve looked back at my behaviors and they are tied to nervousness of judgement, insecurity, or the desperate attempt to feel “wanted & appreciated” at work or by the person or team you’re with. All those feelings have nothing to do with anyone else, but me, right? So how do I stop doing that?

 I remind myself that I’m living for me and you are living for you. If you fall and you want to cry, cry. If you fall and you don’t want to cry, then don’t – please don’t worry about what I might think of you, either way. If you love to dance – then dance and if someone knocks on the door…invite them in to dance with you or duck behind the couch and wait until then leave – just don’t let me impact that decision for you. And…be active on that presentation at work – your thoughts could have massive impact for your business.

Who is this “life” for? It’s for you, isn’t it? Go have fun with it and let us know how you feel - because I’m learning that life is more fun when I’m worrying less about what you might think of me.

Do you see that perspective differently?

If you enjoy posts like this one, please subscribe below to The Paperclip Thinking Blog and don’t be shy about leaving a comment or two! After all – life gets better with dialogue and you can’t have dialogue if we are always in agreement with each other, right?!? In addition - if you want more discussion in your life - check out “The Venue” – a Zoom based discussion club that I facilitate every other Wednesday. To join us: email (travis@paperclipthinking.com) and I’d be happy to welcome you into the community of discussion-clubbers.

What If?

Is it possible to live in faith and in fear, simultaneously? I don’t think you can. I think, buried deep in our human subconscious, are the experiences that led us down one of these two paths (core faith or core fear) and it’s understandable how this occurs, after all, the logic and science that has been shared suggests that fear is present to “protect us”. Back in the day, when we were out “hunting or gathering”, then a saber-tooth tiger pops around the corner…fear inserts itself and I would get out of the way of the saber-tooth tiger (with significant increase in blood-pressure and heart rate). It’s logical and biological that fear, under the veil of protection, is there to keep us safe.

Now- what happens if the saber-tooth tigers are all gone, yet we continue to feed our own fear? Feed it with worry, anxiety, and overthinking? Fear is contagious and it can grow and spread, quickly. Especially if you feed it and water it – as our society appears to be doing at a feverish pace. Anxiety, depression, hate (all byproducts of fear, from my perspective) …seem to be at all-time highs, so what if?

What if we stopped feeding it and watering it? What if we exchanged fear with faith? The faith that empowers us to reconnect to the belief of “the path we’re on is exactly where we are to be, now, today, right here”. Faith in the construct that life is happening for us, not too us, and everything from the best of days to the worst of days all share something powerful in common…a lesson that can be used to learn and grow. What if our world embraced faith more than fear? Could things be healthier for all of us?

Let me know what you think?

The "why" and "how" behind The Venue

I haven’t posted on this blog since February 11, 2021 and here’s why - I’ve been focused, maybe pre-occupied is a better description, with sending books out into the world, attempting to expand my weekends to include branding my work into a Social Education Platform called the Divergent Thinking Academy for elementary, middle and high schools, and I’m still supporting my teams at TrueBlue with a job I love. Why do all of this? I’d love to say it was for the passion of the work, yet that would be a lie. I’ve been swept into the world of “have to” – you know… “I have to do this” or “I have to do that” because that’s what successful people do – they hustle. The problem is…all of the hustling and the pulling in different directions has created an interesting disconnect to something I hold near and dear to my heart - “having fun”. I love to write. I’m interested in supporting anyone who wants some guidance through life. And Paperclip Thinking and the pillars that make up this thinking continue to shape me in the coolest ways and remain a huge part of who I am and who I’m becoming. For five years I’ve been pre-occupied with “building a business” and my focus had been on growth and expansion. I thought this focus was the proper thing to do and I assumed that this multi-pronged focus would lead me down the path of recognition and money.

Reality check - some of this “business stuff” took the fun out of “why” I do what I do. When the fun & learning stops, I think it’s important to reflect and can be more important to pivot. I’m testing the hypothesis that if we remain focused on our “why” and we spend time supporting others, maybe the other stuff (growth, expansion, etc.) becomes a by-product for the future. I’m shifting my pre-occupation with “build and grow” to a more aligned value system of, “share and guide”. It’s a subtle shift, for me, yet the impact is huge on my well-being. I love a good discussion. I love vulnerable topics. I love the idea of people not feeling “alone” on this planet and I love sharing what I’ve learned on my life’s journey (so others might be able to experience their journey with some additional guidance and perspective and a few less fuck-ups). This is my focus and my “why”.

The “how” is connected to my ability to share and guide through a discussion club called “The Venue”. This discussion club meets every other Wednesday (you can DM me on Instagram, send me a note through FB Messenger, or you can email me to join The Venue’s community). These sessions are one hour long, cost you nothing, and include a mix of people from all corners of the country, ages 14+ are welcome and during our discussions I facilitate a couple of things: 1) I bring forward topics that all of us think about yet very few discuss on a regular basis; 2) our attendees share “ultimate life hacks” for career preparation, personal growth, and life transitions (i.e. learnings from moving from middle school to high school, deciding if college is or isn’t for you, selecting a major if you are in college, choosing a career that you will love and prosper doing, ways to remain balanced in our crazy world, how to build and leverage a network, methods for navigating anxiety and stress, how to change careers later in life…just to name a few of our recent topics); and 3) our community shares all of its knowledge and experiences in a safe environment. Some join to share and some join to listen…some do both. We use Zoom, so you can pop into a session from anywhere.

Please follow @paperclipthinking on Instagram and Facebook. These are two of the platforms where I share content most frequently and I’d be honored if you’d join us as we spread the message of this unique kind of “Paperclip Thinking” and how being divergent in thought can positively impact life.

Following each session of The Venue I’ll be sharing the takeaways from our group discussion on The Paperclip Thinking Blog. If you miss a session – don’t worry – you can subscribe to the blog and learn on your own time and at your own pace:  www.paperclipthinking.com/blog

I hope to hear from you soon and know that from here forward… I’ll be focused on, “changing the world…one discussion at a time”. I hope you’ll consider joining the discussion!

Contact: travis@paperclipthinking.com with any questions. Love y’all.

A Tale of Two Cities...I mean Two Worlds

Thought pre-occupation can be considered collateral damage of a hyper-active mind. I’ve had a hyper-active mind since I can remember and there are times when I get tired of the desire to think. The constant curiosity, the desire to understand where a thought comes from, what sparked it, who planted the seed for the thought…you get the drift. Looking back – this hyper-active mind has done some great things for me (career performance, book creation, business ideas, coaching style), yet if the thoughts are left to run wild, that’s where it becomes more damage than beauty. ‘Thoughts Gone Wild’ don’t get me anywhere, unless anywhere means late or sleepless nights.

Daydreaming moments or eerily quiet times late at night when the thought train leaves the station… sometimes it can be creative and peaceful, and sometimes it’s angst over, why? Why what? Why not me? Why me? Why anything or everything? Those thoughts are stifling, tiring, sometimes dramatic, silly, and most of the time they are anticipatively fabricated, which can be the most unproductive use of the mind.

I live in the mid-west and since mid-December the skies are gray, it’s cold, and as I eluded to…it’s mid-winter in Michigan, so being outside requires gear that one could use to climb Everest and I’m more of a shorts and flip-flops guy. Toss in what I hope to be the tail end of a global pandemic and we’ve got a nice recipe for some blah days, right? This “locked down” world, has given me plenty of time to think, so when the collateral beauty of my hyper-active mind shows up (the ability to find intriguing and contemplative thoughts that could add value to my life), I write. What was the most recent collateral beauty amongst my winter doldrums? The thought of two worlds. More succinctly, I’ve been feeling stretched between two worlds, so let me offer a glimpse into what these worlds feel like.

World #1 is a place where opinions matter, a place where pressure is self-imposed, a place where what you have defines who you are. A place where keeping up is as important as the breath that fills your lungs. A place where your spot on the planet is determined based on what you do for a living or the school you attended, or the neighborhood you choose to live. A place where relationships can lose their Moxy because the time to invest in one another (the watering of the relationship so to speak) is replaced with Netflix or school events or travel sports or Tik-Tok or Facebook or Instagram…or all of it. This world could grind a person into pulp, especially if you have been made aware (or experienced) World #2.

World #2 is a place where the value we have of ourselves is clearly placed in the front and center of our actions and it underpins choices. A place where learning about another person, truly understanding and listening, so we can absorb stories and experiences about who they are become the table stakes of living. These table stakes allow us to embrace different perspectives and provides us with understanding of another. This becomes the currency of life. A place where daily exercise, clean food, and deep sleep are the prerequisites of existence. A place where judgement, ego, guilt, shame, jealousy, and animosity are historical stories from another world. A tired time and it is no longer accepted. A place where creativity is akin to the sunrise, because it occurs every day. A place where gifts of skill vary widely and compliment the community. A place where hugs, love, care, enjoyment of activity, fearlessness, and a steady flow of abundance are everywhere.

I’ve experienced both worlds. And for reasons that would take up more words than I care to type this morning, I own the fact that I’ve chosen to spend more time in World #1 than I have in World #2. How about you? Is World #2 illusionary, utopian, or simply a fabrication of imagination?

My opinion: World #2 and World #1 aren’t that far apart, and they are separated by the simplest of gifts. Gifts that all of us carry inside ourselves. I think we’ve collectively been fed, as if we were starving animals, the notion that World #1 is reality and in order to visit World #2 you must work, persevere, grind (for 30+ years) and then “retire”, so we can experience what World #2 has to offer. And we were starving animals, so we took a bite of this philosophy and then another and another…and before we knew it, we were falsely nourished from the idea that World #1 is the prerequisite to World #2. What if that was the illusion all along?

We thought we were being nourished, with the running, the carting to and from, and the grinding, yet were we traveling farther and farther away from the World that seems more peaceful? I think World #1 is the illusion, and most seem to refer to it as reality. I am a believer that both worlds are true and I’m a believer in the power of that simple gift mentioned a few sentences ago…and that gift is choice. I’d grown tired of World #1, became openly curious about World #2, and still, found some fear while working to fully commit to the behaviors that open the door to a full-time residency in the place that I describe as World #2.

How come?

I think fear plants seeds that sound like this, “too much would change if you really embrace world #2”. “Too many people think you’re weird if you aspire for World #2.” “Your family would surely feel that you’ve lost it- if we gave up some of World #1 for World #2”. “Let’s be honest…you can’t possibly find a place that fits into the description you provided, can you?”

Funny how fear can lock the gate with what we might think is “reason”. Fear locks the gate and freedom of thought and action can open it. What could happen to our lives and to our perceived worlds if we lovingly thanked World #1 for its experiences, its teachings, and its energy and then we peacefully step into World #2?

Full circle moment- my thinking is more intense than some and it is one of my gifts. I’m grateful for the curiosity that had me explore World #2, the patience to learn while in World #1, and now I have access to the gift that all of us have access to…the power of “choice” regarding where I spend my time, my thoughts, and my actions. I’m choosing World #2.

Which world are you choosing to live in?

If you enjoy these posts – you might enjoy one of my books, “Happiness is Over There” or “They All Went Inside” – both share stories that readers have deemed…inspiring. You might even enjoy a visit to The Venue (a discussion club, for all). My books share a passion for love, creative thought, introspection, and personal accountability (in very different ways) and The Venue is a weekly group discussion created to support vulnerable dialogue, learning, and teaching. Proceeds from my books are donated to The Amity Foundation of Dearborn and The Manistee County Child Advocacy Center (both care for families in need). Learn about Paperclip Thinking:  https://linktr.ee/paperclipthinking

The Venue

A friend recently said to me, “You aren’t the show…you’re the Venue.” Hearing this created a whole separate discussion between the two of us, so I’ll come back to this comment in a bit.

In December of 2016 I gave my first attempt at doing something that I’ve felt destined to do and the way I “did it” was to begin writing and speaking about a topic that is very personal to who I am as a person. I began sharing my journey, so that others who are traveling a similar path on this planet would receive a perspective that could support their journey.

A few years have passed since that decision and like many of us are prone to do…I considered my early efforts of publishing books and giving talks a failure. I was focused on an end game that didn’t align with what I wanted from this effort. See…when I have the opportunity to get into discussions about life (yours or mine), these discussions are the best minutes of my day. I’d love to have 3 or 4 of these discussions every day, because I feel that they are raw and authentic – and I grow by leaps and bounds from each of these discussions. This type of chat happens with a select group of people and they don’t happen as often as I would enjoy. Why? I think it’s partially due to the opinion that our life-system, our society, isn’t truly wired to support this kind of dialogue. If we show that vulnerability, we’re weak and if we don’t show it, we’re repressed or callous. All the while…anxiety, depression, obesity, drug and alcohol use…they’re all trending in an unhealthy way (across all age groups), so I’ve been focused on ways to expand the frequency of these discussions in my life and while all of this was swirling in my head, I took part in an “innovation strategy meeting” at work and had an idea kaboom!

My career affords me opportunities to engage in future forward planning sessions, which is a code word for: we get into Zoom rooms (#wantthisvirustogoaway) and learn about ways to innovate the services provided by my company. I was in a session with one of our consulting partners this morning and I heard this quote, “to truly innovate, you’ve got to fall in love with the problem”. Ooh – I loved that and if I’m going to innovate my desire to discuss life with others, what is the problem I am going to fall in love with? After all, I have fallen in love with a shit-ton of my problems, so this approach could be my personal salvation.

What problem do I love? I love the problem idea that becoming hyper self-aware and talking about our life’s apprehensions or challenges are generally taboo topics. I love that problem - because I want to talk about all of this stuff. I want to talk about how people can get a job if they’re miserable or unemployed. I want to talk to a sixty-year old man and support him with the understanding that he could easily have thirty plus years to go on this planet, so re-inventing himself is totally doable. I want to talk with the 13-year old girl who feels like giving up before she has even scraped the surface of how amazing her life could be. I’ll chat it up with the seventeen year-old young man trying to figure out if college makes sense or what the hell to do for a living if that illusionary yellow-bricked road doesn’t feel right, to him.  I’ll most definitely converse with the parent who feels like they are screwing everything up, yet feels compelled to keep on keeping on…all the while they’re lost. I’m down for all of those chats.

Right now – from where I sit – so many people seem to feel that all of those topics are too personal and possibly too intimate to share. Maybe that’s the actual problem I love? Converting taboo to the norm. These topics mentioned above set the stage for discussions about content that I consider to be the beauty of life and yet, we seem to be keeping it all in? How’s that working for us?

I wonder what this world could be like if people had a place where dialogue was table stakes? A place where people came to listen and to learn and to share what they think could be the solution to someone else’s challenge or to their own.  I wonder how the world would respond to a “club” that was created with Zoom meetings (#pandemic), a club where people could submit anonymous questions about what was on their minds and then they were able to listen to speakers (and share with each other) about these topics. We all talk, no one has to know who is in pain or confused, or curious and this club starts its impact on the world. As spring rolls around and the trees in Michigan come back to life, this club will begin meeting at a place… a real live place… where the furniture is comfortable, the fireplace (or bon-fires) are burning peacefully, the game tables are filled, and the butts in these seats feel comfortable enough to listen, to share, and to support each other. This club starts in Michigan and it pops up in city after city, because dialogue about the taboo becomes the norm and the norm makes us all feel so much better about our place on this planet.

As someone who has become a student of human behavior, I’m interested in a pivot. I used to think, as a Coach and Business Leader, that I was the show... “Come see me and your problems will go away”. I made an error. This isn’t true. I’m not the show, never was. You are the show and I’m simply the Venue where all of this dialogue begins and this dialogue could literally change your life.

We will come to this safe place, not an echo chamber, not a place of judgement. We come to this place to share thoughts, question beliefs, seek opinions, collect experiences, and learn and grow with each other. I’ve been fortunate to solve some of my deepest challenges while listening to others talk around a campfire, or while sitting with a friend, staring at trees (from a basement walkout) while sipping a bourbon and having dialogue.

I’m calling this place the Venue and the first discussion is going to take place in February. You’ll find details on Instagram @paperclipthinking and Facebook, so I’m hoping you’ll consider joining this innovative place for dialogue and learning.

If we all fall in love with the same problem, imagine what good we could do!

If you enjoy these posts – you might enjoy one of my books, “Happiness is Over There” or “They All Went Inside” – both share stories that readers have deemed…inspiring.  Both books share my passion for love, creative thought, introspection, and personal accountability (in very different ways) and proceeds from these sales are donated to The Amity Foundation of Dearborn and The Manistee County Child Advocacy Center (both care for families in need). Through my publishing business, Paperclip Thinking LLC, I offer speaking engagements on these topics and in select situations, I offer Family Coaching to those interested in becoming Paperclip Thinkers. You can buy books through my website www.paperclipthinking.com or you can email me at travis@paperclipthinking.com with any questions.

Parenting Puzzle

The global pandemic has owned the headline space since March and while we continue adjusting to keeping healthy, wearing masks, embracing restrictions, and virtually embracing from six feet…one thing has not slowed down…the opportunities to parent. The parent & child relationship has been thrust into unknown territory – no one has had to parent in a global pandemic since the early 1900’s, so we’re all flying blind on this one. I have three children (incoming freshman at Michigan State University, a junior in High School, and an eighth grader), so as I reflect back on this spring/summer, we’ve continued to parent as best we can during these crazy times. Even though this pandemic hasn’t made things easy (talk track in our house starting March 12th …Child: “Can we go out?” – Parent: “No…we’re sheltering in place!”- Child: “This sucks!” – Parent: “Thanks for that input, good chat.”), it has afforded me the opportunity to reflect on so many things, and one of the things I’ve reflected on is my incessant desire to control things that just aren’t built for control. As a method to curtail my controlling nature, I like to compare my life to a river (when I let things flow it can feel effortless and when I jump off the raft and try to control the flow of the river, swimming upstream, life becomes more challenging and exhausting). The more I parent during COVID-19, I have shifted metaphors. Metaphors are my spirit animal, so bear with me on this one. Life feels like a puzzle more than a river because I feel like I’m playing a part in building something, not simply coasting down the river. I am building my own resilience, building the ability to be compassionate and this “puzzle” isn’t the kind of puzzle that gives a picture of what the puzzle is intended to look like when completed…this COVID-19 parenting puzzle is going to give you NO sign of what the end game looks like and you only receive a couple pieces per week. Our oldest graduates from Dearborn High School on Tuesday, July 14th. My wife and I will walk with him (followed closely by a minivan with his brother, sister, and grandparents) and together, and mostly six feet apart, we’ll celebrate the latest chapter of his journey or maybe I’ll begin calling graduation his next “puzzle piece”.

Immediately following graduation we’ll pivot toward his adventures at Michigan State University. Dorm rooms, social distancing, on-line class schedules, “hybrid learning”, and another set of pieces to this puzzle and we’ll do what we can to support him in building a beautiful picture.

Puzzles may take time, puzzles may feel complex, puzzles may create some frustration AND…puzzles can be rewarding, they can display a beautiful design when complete, and if they break apart, they can be rebuilt. Most importantly for me, I recognized that all of the pieces of a puzzle are different. Different curves and corners are required to finish that puzzle and it takes all of these differences in order to build something beautiful, so as a parent…I’m working to embrace the differences that my children bring to this opportunity, not control them in any way, shape, or form.

As my wife and I continue to parent our children through these unique times, let’s remember that their ideas, their perspectives, and their interests may be very different than ours, and that’s a good thing. It is the differences that can make our families such beautiful things. I can’t control what the pieces look like, I can’t control when the pieces are given to us, yet I can choose to keep a safe distance and support my children in building the best looking puzzle possible, with the pieces they are given.  

If you enjoy these posts – you might enjoy one of my books, “Happiness is Over There” or “They All Went Inside” – both share stories that readers have deemed…inspiring.  Both books share my passion for love, creative thought, introspection, and personal accountability (in very different ways) and proceeds from these sales are donated to The Amity Foundation of Dearborn and The Manistee County Child Advocacy Center (both care for families in need). Through my publishing business, Paperclip Thinking LLC, I offer speaking engagements on these topics and in select situations, I offer Family Coaching to those interested in becoming Paperclip Thinkers. You can buy books through my website www.paperclipthinking.com/buymybooks or you can email me at travis@paperclipthinking.com with any questions.

What have you seen (in the midst of a pandemic)?

We’ve been under “shelter in place” since March 12, 2020, so for 9 weeks I’ve been writing in my journal about this experience and working to document and articulate what was happening in the world around me. How was this impacting me? My family? Those I have closest access to?  In total, I created 22 journal entries – some were long and emotional – some were short and sweet – all of them fell into the bucket of “unprecedented”.

This pandemic is an experience that none of us planned for and similar to many of the unforeseen experiences of life, they tend to sneak up and then Tsunami like…they are “everywhere” – news channels, social media, school announcements, emails…everywhere! My reality through this experience was (and is) tied to my perceptions and perspectives, so from my perspective, I was able to find some beauty within this whirlwind. Please don’t misinterpret what I’m saying…It wasn’t constant beauty. I had a family member impacted by this virus, I knew people who lost family members due to this virus, and I’m sure everyone knows someone who is now unemployed because of this virus. None of this would be fair to label as beauty, yet, through all of this- I still saw (and see) beauty. Our adventure on this planet took a turn. These moments, these experiences, these highs and lows…this is the present (and I’m choosing to live here and now).

What did I see?  Where was this beauty? To start – I reconnected to something very deep and very spiritual. That inspiration led to the creation of two characters (Mumma & Little One) for the book, “They All Went Inside”, and this story is in the hands of hundreds of people now and it tells one perspective about this pandemic and I’m hoping to have it in as many hands as possible. Hands willing and able to listen and consider these characters teachings.

Then - my wife and I worked on our house and our finances… we re-connected to the concept of needs versus wants and we shared these experiences with our children. Powerful lessons for all of us. We also mourned the loss and celebrated the life of a friend who passed during this time and my wife and I supported more teaching with our children: sharing love, and openly discussing what this experience could be like for our friends and their family. This dialogue is beauty!

I watched, read, and viewed a level of divisiveness that was also unprecedented. Topics like vaccinations, social distancing, conspiracy theories, political support, economic recovery, viral disaster planning, executive orders, free speech, and immune systems took on a life of their own and brought out, from my perspective, some of the worst of our human condition. Through this madness, our family continued to have dialogue about these topics and that was something that hadn’t been happening in my family (as frequently) pre-COVID. Again, more beauty.

I look forward to Michigan and the rest of the U.S. reopening, moving forward, and healing. I ask everyone to consider remaining in your heart during these times. Remain close to the things you love, the places you love, the people you love. Don’t allow the hustle and bustle to resume, unfettered, and allow this experience to become a distant memory. I pray to the God I believe in, the God who inspires me, that we all remember the power of dialogue: truly seeking to understand another’s perspective and using that perspective to learn and to grow (even if it means we completely disagree with the person we’re learning from).

These are the experiences that I considered beautiful during a global pandemic. If you’re willing, please share what you learned in the comments section, so I might be able to gather additional perspectives from those of you who see the world differently.

Love to all of you- Travis

If you enjoy these posts – you might enjoy one of my books, “Happiness is Over There” or “They All Went Inside” – both share stories that readers have deemed…inspiring.  Both books share my passion for love, creative thought, introspection, and personal accountability (in very different ways) and proceeds from these sales are donated to The Amity Foundation of Dearborn and The Manistee County Child Advocacy Center (both care for families in need). Through my publishing business, Paperclip Thinking LLC, I offer speaking engagements on these topics and in select situations, I offer Career and Family Coaching to those interested in becoming Paperclip Thinkers. You can buy books through my website www.paperclipthinking.com or you can email me at travis@paperclipthinking.com with any questions.

Surrender is an interesting word...isn't it?

I thought 2008 – in the midst of a global recession - was going to shape up to be one of the most challenging times of my life (present and future). After all – millions of homes were going into foreclosure, people lost work, banks were being bailed out, and the stock market was in tough shape. It was a nightmare (or so I thought).

Flash forward to 2020 and perspectives change. I will always remember: COVID-19, pandemic, case counts, death counts, shelter in place, essential services, businesses closed, 25 million people out of work, an economy in a free fall, and a government that was built on ego and looking good – trying their best to navigate a country through the midst of this unprecedented time.

Now might be an odd time to bring up the word surrender, but I like odd, so here we go. And…before the traditional definition of the word “surrender” has you twist into using phrases like, “snowflake”, “weak”, or “giving up”, please read on with an open mind and heart.

I was conditioned to believe that surrender is a form of weakness. I didn’t surrender on the field of competition, I didn’t surrender to depression, I didn’t surrender to financial collapse, I have friends who have served honorably in the military and they might say they didn’t surrender on the field of battle, and if you surrender in the corporate world, your career might be in jeopardy. It’s easy to see how using the word surrender could have a negative connotation.

Every year I create a new journal.  A standing Christmas gift from my Mother and Father. Same style, same logo stamped on the lower right corner (the year and my initials) and during the first week of January I write an intention for the year.  I use this exercise as a way to manifest the good and the beauty and the abundance for the upcoming year that I intend for the universe to provide.

This year’s intention: January 2020 – “A year rooted in becoming a listener, fully focused on understanding.  A year rooted in un-inviting fear (not welcome here) and a year rooted in honesty.  The beginning of a full surrender to the peace of life and to the roll I play on this planet, and to the God I believe in and all of the energy and love he has created for us.”

As I wrote this intention, I used the term surrender without thinking about the broader meaning. I reflect on it almost every day, and as I reflected on it this morning- I could not have imagined how perfectly aligned it is, for me, during this time. I have a new belief that surrender is about letting go, not giving up. It’s letting go of expectations, preconceived plans, and the fear that can come during change. Surrendering to my faith and to the faith of the people of this world. Surrendering to the belief that we do have the ability to grow from this, to learn from this, and to prosper in this new normal. This time has reinforced my love and faith in so many areas.  I’m surrendering to the peace of life, whatever that may look like. Surrender isn’t for the weak – it’s a way to embrace peace. 

I invite you to consider and I send Love to all of you.

If you enjoy these posts – you might enjoy one of my books, “Happiness is Over There” or “They All Went Inside” – both share stories that readers have deemed…inspiring.  Both books share my passion for love, creative thought, introspection, and personal accountability (in very different ways) and through Paperclip Thinking LLC, I provide speaking engagements on these topics and in select situations, I offer group or individual sessions for those interested in becoming Paperclip Thinkers. You can buy books through my website  www.paperclipthinking.com or you can email me at travis@paperclipthinking.com to arrange book delivery or set up speaking engagements or in-person & on-line sessions.

The beauty that isn't easily seen...

March 19, 2020

To my oldest child, Braeden, I’d like to share this with you - specifically you.  I’ve posted the article for others to see and read, although I’m writing this as if it were you and me and only you and me.  We are starting week 2 of “social distancing” and I know you’re pissed.  Aren’t all of us in some way, shape, or form?

It is one of the best clichés…”you never know what life holds”.  Well, let’s start with this – I never knew that we would be working from home together for a month (maybe more) and that our evenings would be filled with discussions about what “really” constitutes breaking the social distancing practice that we are currently applying in our lives.

I never knew that toilet paper, paper towels, chicken breasts, bread, and bottles of water would become the hot topic of the 2020 spring break season.  I never knew how much I enjoyed popping out to a movie theater to see a quick flick.  I never realized how much I could miss a 6am workout with some incredibly fun and engaging people, and I never knew how blessed we really are, until I read article after article about kids without breakfast and lunch, thousands of sick people, media coverage that is relentless in its inadvertent attempts to scare the shit out of everyone.  The cliché has come to life, “we never knew what life holds”, did we?

You and your classmates (around the world) who are scheduled to graduate from high school this spring/summer are facing an unprecedented time (at least over the last 100 years) and living in a time of uncertainty and fragility could make many people crumble, but not you.  I see you each day…so many of you and your friends – getting up, doing your thing, talking to each other, riding that mountain bike, walking that dog, Tik Tok (and more Tik Tok), crunching that homework, and through all of this you are growing and that growing is the beauty that you can’t see.  You began asking about building tables, buying lumber, and working with your hands.  You have found ways to get outside, safely, and maintain your energy and you are maintaining your focus through the most distracting of times.

You (and so many of your age-mates) have the right to choose to be pissed about what is happening.  You have the right to be frustrated and dismayed about this pandemic we face.  What’s pretty astonishing to me… through all of this – you’ve asked me how I’m doing more that I’ve asked you?  Ironic, right?  In a world where it’s assumed that the parent is to be looking after the child, I’ve experienced you looking after us.  I can see a confidence in your stance and through your behaviors, I’m feeling stronger and stronger that we are all going to be okay through this “hiccup”.  I trust in our friends, our family, our country, and in you and your generation.  We will most definitely experience an impact from all of this shit, and one thing that lays comfortably around me…you are strong (and so are all of you in the class of 2020).  Tears, emotions, shortness with your friends and family (all normal), because you are human and this is not easy or comfortable.  To the graduating class of COVID-19, let life throw its futile attempt at kicking you down.  You’re already showing all of us what it means to be resilient and that, too, is beauty that can’t be easily be seen.

Thank you, Braeden.  I love you.  Now…let’s plan for that exciting day when you can go back to school and get out of the damn house, so I can have my office room back! J

If you enjoy these posts – you might enjoy a copy of my book, “Happiness is Over There” – which is a personal memoir detailing the stories, learnings, and exercises I used to shift my life from dark and chaotic to a life of light and productivity.  Through Paperclip Thinking LLC, I also support group and individual coaching sessions as well as book talks for groups of 15-20.  You can buy a signed copy at www.paperclipthinking.com or you can email me at travis@paperclipthinking.com to arrange book delivery or set up coaching and group talks/sessions.

Story #2 (2020) - Feeling Broken

I share through my writing because I’m interested in finding people who enjoy sharing and learning.  The people who get called “They”…you know those people.  “They” say it’s a good idea or “They” say it’s not.  “They” will say that one who is interested in writing or speaking or guiding would benefit from writing, speaking, and guiding about something they know, something that inspires them.

My inspiration- eradicating the belief that anyone of us is “broken”.  Eradicating the anxiety, fear, and depression that are the traditional byproducts of the “broken” mindset.  I know that all-consuming fear that comes from feeling broken – and I’m sure a bunch of you know it too.  It may appear odd that “feeling broken” has turned into an inspiration.  Yes- coming from a man who spends hours each week exploring reasons that had me feel broken led me into a deeper search for understanding.  What I learned as I practiced ways to shift my mindset was this: the most effective way, for me, out of that place was through that place.  Passing through that state of mind started with sharing and dialogue.  Sharing articles, book talks, coaching and sharing with high school kids are the ways I sparked more dialogue (and it was super therapeutic).  The sharing did something for me and for those receiving the sharing - it created more curiosity.  I noticed that questions began coming to me (from the most unlikely people).  People made statements about their lives and taught me about how they were feeling.  They shared what had them feeling this sense of “broken”, and these talks were inspirational.  Energy begets energy and that would mean sharing begets sharing.  More and more sharing (with hundreds of people) and the topics were bad-ass: anxiety, careers, relationships, parenting, depression, money…we kept sharing and the more we shared the more I learned and the less broken I felt.  I want to share more and I want to learn more- who’s in?

We have all heard phrases like, toughen-up, buck-up, man-up, or woman-up.  What if we dialogued-up?  I’m gathering data that suggests that the lives we choose were meant to be appreciated as the ultimate adventure in learning and too many of us are riddled with the fear and anxiety that comes from feeling broken and that is preventing us from learning and growing, so I’d like to dialogue more (with all of you).  Get a group together and we can all chat.  If you want to share 1:1, we can meet for coffee or a drink or a dinner and the discussions can be rooted in sharing, teaching, learning- that’s true dialogue.  That feeling of “being broken” is a lie that I told myself and then I did the most damaging thing imaginable, I believed the lie- the lie of lack, the lie of not being “enough”.  Please don’t do that to yourself.  If you haven’t done that- excellent, yet share with me anyway because I want to learn how you prevented buying into that garbage lie I’d told myself.  If you do feel a bit busted up or confused about life’s journey- excellent, share with me, so we can work together and remind each other that life has all kinds of fun waiting for us to explore.  Does anyone know someone who might benefit from some sharing and some learning?  I believe you are out there.  I’d enjoy learning from you. 

If you enjoy these posts – you might enjoy a copy of my book, “Happiness is Over There” – which is a personal memoir detailing the stories, learnings, and exercises I used to shift my life from dark and chaotic to a life of light and productivity.  Through Paperclip Thinking LLC, I also support group and individual coaching sessions as well as book talks for groups of 15-20.  You can buy a signed copy at www.paperclipthinking.com or you can email me at travis@paperclipthinking.com to arrange book delivery or set up coaching and group talks/sessions.

Story #1 (2020)- A recipe I've chosen

Story #1 – A recipe I’ve chosen (January 22, 2020)

Slow down, simplify, and make decisions rooted in peace and enjoyment.  Look for a partner who is interested in a similar path.  Treat the body with love and respect and treat the mind just the same.  Forgive ill decisions of the past and remain focused on doing and being the very things you enjoy.  When fear approaches, learn from it, please don’t run from it.  Fear can be an amazing teacher in such an indirect way.  Align to those who inspire you and ensure that you work to inspire others on a daily basis.  Inspiration can come in the smallest of gestures, so please don’t feel the need to be grand with your inspiration, after all, inspiration will spread and grow, so even the smallest of acts will become monumental over the long term.  Love all of the people you encounter.  You don’t have to agree with everyone, you don’t have to enjoy everyone, yet we can LOVE everyone.  Be respectful of money, have fun with it, don’t be a slave to it or allow it a place on any type of mental pedestal.  Ask questions of people, learn how they move through this visit on earth.  See places that are different from your daily routine.  They don’t have to be faraway lands, they could be the park you’ve never visited, the neighborhood you’ve never explored.  Continue to (or start) enjoying each moment for what it was intended for – growth & love.  Be the storyteller you want to be.  Connect with more people and share the recipes that you have collected that make life inspiring and fun versus anxiety filled and frustrating.  We are all on the planet, together, and sharing could impact so many people.  Embrace the masses and fear not the judgement that may come.  It’s okay for those to judge and those judging may be hurting too, which is a powerful reason to choose to see them through God’s eyes.  Love.  Be close to God, to his energy, to his peace.  Talk to him, he’ll talk back in the most beautiful ways.  Know that our lives were chosen, so there is nothing to be concerned about.  Love, listen, learn, play, repeat.

This is my recipe for 2020 and beyond.  What’s yours?

If you enjoy these posts – you might enjoy a copy of my book, “Happiness is Over There” – which is a personal memoir detailing the stories, learnings, and exercises I used to shift my life from dark and chaotic to a life of light and productivity.  Through Paperclip Thinking LLC, I also support group and individual coaching sessions as well as book talks for groups of 15-20.  You can buy a signed copy at www.paperclipthinking.com or you can email me at travis@paperclipthinking.com to arrange book delivery or set up coaching and group talks/sessions.

47 Years

47 Years

I’m smiling as I reflect back on the year.  I turned 47 on November 29th and as I pen this on December 3rd - I can say without caveat that this has been the most trans-formative year of my life.  Here is what has me say that:

1.       I’m no longer interested in pushing people to be someone or something that they aren’t.  I’ve done that for a long time and it only creates pain.  If something works for me and my joy, great, if it doesn’t – that’s okay.  It’s okay because I’ve embraced the idea that we can always accept, change, or leave any given situation and that is true freedom.  These three inevitability make this adventure on earth more peaceful. So much more peaceful than living the illusion that we can force people or things into a different behavioral state.  I’ve stopped trying to do this and it is making my life infinitely more serene.

2.       I’m here by choice.  I’m here to influence, learn, support, love, care, create, and not every day do I embrace all of these states of being, yet I accept them as truth, so embracing them and living with the choice I’ve made to be here, has me peaceful.

3.       My kids, my wife, my friends, family, strangers, and everyone else…is on their own journey and path, so I’m respecting these paths and the behaviors of the people on them.  I continue to work to retire emotions like anger, hostility, jealousy, judgement, or regret.  Again – noting that we all have a journey, anything that would cause these negative emotions probably comes from believing something someone said or did as a personal attack on me, and that is no longer a belief system I’m interested in embracing.  Compassion for everyone and that compassion, is freedom.

4.       I love everyone.  I love them in a way I know, a way that is quiet to some, loud to others, although it is always love.

5.       I have accepted that fear exists in me, on this planet, and with each of you – I’ve simply decided to no longer agree with what it is telling me.  Fear wanted me to leave the planet early, fear had me want to stop writing work like this, and fear had me believing that I wasn’t enough.  I’m no longer interested in what fear has to say.  I’ll pay attention when it rears its head, I just don’t believe its message, anymore.  This practice has created so many new opportunities, growth moments, experiences, friendships, connections- and that is enough for me.

6.       I am doing things that I love doing and I’m no longer labeling them in ways I used to: I don’t have to start a bakery to be a baker.  I don’t have to launch a food truck business to enjoy cooking.  I don’t have to publish another book to be a writer.  I don’t have to starve myself to be healthy.  I don’t have to gorge on whatever I choose because I miss a day at the gym.  If you love to write, then I invite you to write.  If you love to cook, then I invite you to cook.  My work no longer is a separate piece of my life, I chose work that enjoys each of these parts of me, and so I invite you to find the same type of peace.

7.       I’ve connected with God, Jesus, and so many other amazing souls through the Universe.  I’m listening with them, to them, and this lost art, which all of us have access to, has been reignited through a dear friend and spiritual healer to whom I will be eternally grateful.  Vibrations of energy, healing, health, transition, listening – these are all areas of my life that have been deeply solidified through my discussions with the souls in our universe who are ready to teach us as soon as we are ready to listen.

8.       I have forgiven myself for the judgement I have placed on so many people. No judgement is needed.  I believe that I have chosen to be with the people I encounter on a daily basis and if I respect their journey, then no judgement is needed AND…I forgive myself for imparting that judgement, because I am so very sorry for be judgmental in the first place.

9.       I’m ready for more transition – I’m preparing each day to have as much fun and joy on this planet as I can.  I’m preparing to become a student of listening to understand (something I have NOT been practicing for the bulk of my time on this planet) and through this listening I’m excited about what I’m going to learn and from who I will learn.

10.   I share openly.  I share in a way that is not intended to change the listener or the reader, instead…it is sharing as an invitation to embrace what I’ve been blessed to learn and if it can add value into someone’s life, they’ll choose it when ready.

11.   I love myself.  It sounds funny when I read it back.  I love me, because I am love, we are all love, which is why I love you and I will be love long after this body has served its travel purpose on earth.  I love all of you and I do look forward to a day and time when all of us embrace this same sentiment – life is so much more fun with lots o’ love.

These are the reasons that this year has been so powerful, for me.  As everything grows and expands – I’m open arms and open soul for what growth and new experiences I’ll embrace in 2020.

If you enjoy these posts – you might enjoy a copy of my book, “Happiness is Over There” – which is a personal memoir detailing the stories, learnings, and exercises I used to shift my life from dark and chaotic to a life of light and productivity.  Through Paperclip Thinking LLC, I also support group and individual coaching sessions as well as book talks for groups of 15-20.  You can buy a signed copy at www.paperclipthinking.com or you can email me at travis@paperclipthinking.com to arrange book delivery or set up coaching and group talks/sessions.

Your words...My Pen

Your Words…My Pen

I listen for you – I’m asking more questions.

Looking to learn and break from attention.

Your words were quiet and I hid from their meaning…

They’re always your words- I’m finally listening.

Listening for you and your guidance from heaven- my pen will transcribe, this is a given.

Thank you for words of love and perspective- I’m sharing with all… so more might listen.

If you enjoy these posts – you might enjoy a copy of my book, “Happiness is Over There” – which is a personal memoir detailing the stories, learnings, and exercises I used to shift my life from dark and chaotic to a life of light and productivity.  Through Paperclip Thinking LLC, I also support group and individual coaching sessions as well as book talks for groups of 15-20.  You can buy a signed copy at www.paperclipthinking.com or you can email me at travis@paperclipthinking.com to arrange book delivery or set up coaching and group talks/sessions.