Between Now and Then...

He looks both directions and realizes they’re walls. He’s found himself in between them and they are as tall as the 100-year-old pines, and they are closing in. He looks toward the sky for an escape, and he notices the envelope. As it falls, it dances and twirls as it dives his way. The envelope lands in his outstretched hands, he tears it open and begins to read.

Dear Friend,

So many of you end up here. I know this adventure can feel like walls closing in on you. Each day the walls get closer and closer. One minute all is good and then you look both ways and there they are – two massive walls – heading toward you from either side.

These walls will inevitably come together and when they do, they’ll end you in the process.

The squeeze has begun, the pressure is unlike anything you’ve ever experienced. Do you wonder what it will feel like? Do you wonder if crushing walls will hurt? Do you wonder if the pain will be over quickly and quietly?

They crawl closer and closer, and you can smell the moss that lives between their bricks. The grind of those walls makes an unforgettable sound, don’t they? That gnarl as they move across Earth’s floor will be unforgettable. That grind and gnarl makes my soul hurt too, but this is my job – to listen to those sounds and send these letters.

You’ve placed yourself between these walls. These walls are the walls of Now and Then. This ominous place is my home, and I’ve committed to reminding people who stay here of their impending doom. This place is rooted in fear, and it’s filled with negative anticipation, the air is so thick you can almost grab it, but there is a solution to prevent the inevitable.

Should you choose to escape this place before this crushing death that is a certainty when you sit between Now and Then, it’s your choice.

Choose a wall and scale. Look closely. That moss between the bricks gives way to handholds and footholds. Yes – it’s almost like staring at ladders and escape paths miles high, isn’t it?

Climb, my friend – climb!

On the other side of Now’s wall is peace. You’ll reach the top and plunge to the other side and you’ll land in a world of presence and learning and joy.

If that doesn’t feel right to you – then turn around and inspect Then’s wall. In the land of Then is a place filled with hope, new beginnings, and fresh starts – either way is a fine choice! Choose one and CLIMB!

Tear that moss, before those walls close in and deliver a punishing death. Climb as fast as your arms and legs will carry you and when you get to the top, fall over to the other side, and enjoy your new adventure in the land of Now or Then.

Should you choose to ignore my recommendations, and you sit down, I’ll be forced to clean up the mess – later.

Sincerely,

Anxiety.

He finished the letter, realized that we all find ourselves between these walls and he took the advice and climbed. Afterall, there’s no sense in sitting with Anxiety in its place of worship, in-between Now and Then. Get up – move and climb – and you’ll find yourself in the present moment or in a new future adventure. Both places are much more beautiful than the mess that resides between those two walls.

God bless all of you- and may He send peace and learnings to you during your times on this planet.

Much love- Trav

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Shepherds and Farmers and Writers - Oh my.

I want to make being curious cool again. My definition of curiosity assumes: the more we want to know something, the more we’re willing to read about something, and then we explore it, try it, and then – we feel more connected to the decision regarding whether we would want to continue learning and experiencing the very thing that tipped our curiosity. Makes sense?

Let me give you an example – FARMING. I loved the show Little House on the Prairie  – I just re-watched every episode of its 7-year run from the 70’s and 80’s. I was curious about farming because the show portrays smiles and heart-warming family moments tied to the simplicity of the small town and farming community lifestyle. The show juxtaposes those moments with the chaos, pain, and suffering from the Hollywood created depiction of what the world was like in the late 19th century from the perspective of Laura Ingalls-Wilder’s journals and books. I began my desire to farm by watching a show, then I took the next step of truly knowing what it would be like to farm – I got a community garden plot (actually, I got three of them). You heard me right, my foray into farming started with a church garden plot and I fully expect anyone who farms to begin cursing me right now. I deserve that.

Weeding, irrigating, planning, planting, weeding, more weeding, cultivating, harvesting, weeding – shit was insane. I read about it, explored it, tried it, and I felt way more connected to why I’m NOT interested in having my own farm. No joke, huge respect for those who do, because I pulled enough peppers, tomatoes, and potatoes to- only feed 5 people roughly three meals and that was only season 1 (my wife and mother-in-law are still practicing their farming skills on a part time basis).

All fun aside – I saw something, I tried something, I learned a ton, and I decided that I’m not willing to keep doing it. That’s the circle and power of curiosity and it can leads to new things and it can guide your decision making with real experiences.

How does this tie to being a Shepherd? As parents of children who are bombarded with idea after idea about being an entrepreneurs, social media influencers, making a million dollars a year within 4-years of high school (which too many Instagram Reels creators claim) – it’s tough to navigate the “what do I do with my life” questions, isn’t it? In contrast to those who are saying some of these insanely unrealistic timelines and topics for our children’s lives, I say we turn this around and provide our children time to slow down and truly experience things before they are forced into choosing their life long career path (at 17 or 18 years old). Giving time as a shepherd, not as an engineer. Parents have been trapped into believing that they are here to engineer (create and mold – I disagree). I think we are here to shepherd them, to guide them, and to give them space to be curious, like a shepherd does to their flock. Here is where I tie these thoughts together- parents need to inspire two things, that could ease their pain and the pain of their children. Support more curiosity about life and increase the accountability within their children’s lives.

If your child wants to be an entrepreneur - learn from an entrepreneur. Yes, they teach entrepreneurial studies in college now, which I find that hilarious, because only a small percentage of the college professors I’ve met have been entrepreneurs. Very few found a gap in the market that their business idea could fill and then found a way to create, incorporate, manage, sell, and deliver on the product or service that fills that gap in the market. In short – how can we teach something we ourselves have never done? It would be no different than me asking you to pay for my class on farming. This is where the shepherding parent style comes to life. Shepherd your future entrepreneur to meet with someone who has taken an idea and brought it to life, filled a gap in the market, and earned a living from that work – this will give them so much valuable information. And we could exchange entrepreneur with: doctor; lawyer; accountant; real-estate sales; car sales; nursing – you name it. Regardless of what your child wants to do to earn a living in their future, shepherd them to start a lemonade stand or meet with an actual entrepreneur. They can meet with a doctor, lawyer, accountant, HVAC tech, Carpenter, Construction Company owner and allow their curiosity to be satiated by those who have done what they want to do. And then shepherd them to try the work they learned about (volunteer, internship, summer job). If they explore it, and then experience how that work feels, they’ll make better decisions about their passion for being an entrepreneur or an accountant. The most important ingredient to this shepherding recipe, please hold them accountable for doing these steps, for being curious and being willing to explore.

I think a lack of curiosity coupled with a real fear of failure is a bad combination for their futures and it’s this combination that has led so many to the record levels of diagnosed anxiety by this up-and-coming generation. They report feeling that perfection is an attainable goal (it’s not), they feel that if they don’t achieve perfection then maybe the thing they were curious about isn’t worth trying. How do I know this? I ask them. I’ve met with 500+ high school and college students over the last two years and they all say something similar: that fear of failure is more real than ever.

Shepherds – how do we turn this into a positive? Let them fail, hold them accountable for getting up when they do, and empower them with love and care, so that they know that it is normal to want to be a farmer. If farming is their jam, then shepherd them to get three community garden plots, allow them to experience the farming of a 30-foot by 30-foot piece of this earth, feed 5 people a couple of meals, and then they might know that farming is for them or they might do what I did – retire from farming. And making decisions based on experience is the best version of okay.

We can let the farmers farm and I’m going to stick with writing.

God bless all of you- and may He send peace to you during your times on this planet.

Much love- Trav

If you enjoy these posts, please subscribe to The Paperclip Thinking Blog and don’t be shy to leave a comment, because I love discussions & dialogue. Paperclip Thinking delivers career, life, and leadership advice (based on real life experiences). If you ever want to explore becoming a Paperclip Thinker, please email me (travis@paperclipthinking.com) or if you want some good content – follow on Facebook and Instagram: @paperclipthinking

This doesn't have to be the norm...

If you enjoy these posts – you might enjoy a copy of my book, “Happiness is Over There” – which is a personal memoir detailing the stories, learnings, and exercises I used to shift my life from dark and chaotic to a life of light and productivity.  You can buy a signed copy at www.paperclipthinking.com or you can email me at travis@paperclipthinking.com to arrange book delivery.

Anxiety and Depression are way too mainstream for my liking.  Like millions of others, my first bout of anxiety started in 7th grade and it took years of suppression for that subtle anxiety to become a real problem, which led to a “break down” when I was 26 years old.  I spent the subsequent 21 years reading, writing, researching, experimenting with new behaviors, dedicating myself to remedying the anxiety and depression I lived with.  I chose to function with an anxiety pill from time to time, chose to have a few drinks, buried down feelings, reminded myself that “life is hard”, and I faced off with people who woke most mornings wondering how anyone could feel anxious or depressed and then I watched them plant their left foot in front of their right foot and keep on moving, which felt impossible to me.  This world is filled with all kinds of stories, all kinds of remedies, and I am intrigued by all of them.

I am in a different place now.  I am more comfortable in sharing my experiences because I believe it to be one of the chief purposes I am on the planet.  My purpose being to listen and share, when needed.  A purpose to remind anyone who is feeling a bit dark, a bit confused, a bit bummed out about their place on the planet - that they are not broken and that they will always have someone to talk to, and that can be me.  I will be here to listen, I will be here to support, and I’ll be here to offer experiences and ideas that could support you in shifting the trajectory of your life.

I’ve made this offer to some in my community and the people taking me up on the offer: to chat; to dialogue; to learn; are middle-schoolers, high-schoolers, and newly graduated college students.  So many young people who describe anxiety and depression as “totally normal”.  I used to believe the stereotypes that it was only the “middle aged” or the newly unemployed who faced these challenges (and was typically remedied with a “rub some dirt on it” mentality), but as you read and listen to the reports, the stories, and see the behaviors…this is officially “the norm” for so many of our children.  Let’s work to stop this.

If you know someone struggling, I’m letting you know that I’ve been there, I’ve begun to see a way more peaceful way of living and I am here to listen.  Change will take discipline, courage, and it takes vulnerability, so if you want to explore a new way of thinking and behaving…I’m here.