Who are we doing this for?

It is odd to realize how often our behaviors are swayed by other people’s presence. Have you ever seen a child “wipe out” and they quickly look around to see if someone is there…then they cry? Or…a child wipes out and wants to cry and they look around to make sure they don’t cry? How about dancing – we might dance like maniacs in our living room, yet if someone knocks on our door…we might quickly stop, right? And in the world of work – does your heartbeat increase 10-fold when you find out that a pre-planned presentation for two people now includes your boss and three others?

I’ve been all these people at some point in my life, who hasn’t? What is it about these situations that have you act differently? I’ve looked back at my behaviors and they are tied to nervousness of judgement, insecurity, or the desperate attempt to feel “wanted & appreciated” at work or by the person or team you’re with. All those feelings have nothing to do with anyone else, but me, right? So how do I stop doing that?

 I remind myself that I’m living for me and you are living for you. If you fall and you want to cry, cry. If you fall and you don’t want to cry, then don’t – please don’t worry about what I might think of you, either way. If you love to dance – then dance and if someone knocks on the door…invite them in to dance with you or duck behind the couch and wait until then leave – just don’t let me impact that decision for you. And…be active on that presentation at work – your thoughts could have massive impact for your business.

Who is this “life” for? It’s for you, isn’t it? Go have fun with it and let us know how you feel - because I’m learning that life is more fun when I’m worrying less about what you might think of me.

Do you see that perspective differently?

If you enjoy posts like this one, please subscribe below to The Paperclip Thinking Blog and don’t be shy about leaving a comment or two! After all – life gets better with dialogue and you can’t have dialogue if we are always in agreement with each other, right?!? In addition - if you want more discussion in your life - check out “The Venue” – a Zoom based discussion club that I facilitate every other Wednesday. To join us: email (travis@paperclipthinking.com) and I’d be happy to welcome you into the community of discussion-clubbers.

What If?

Is it possible to live in faith and in fear, simultaneously? I don’t think you can. I think, buried deep in our human subconscious, are the experiences that led us down one of these two paths (core faith or core fear) and it’s understandable how this occurs, after all, the logic and science that has been shared suggests that fear is present to “protect us”. Back in the day, when we were out “hunting or gathering”, then a saber-tooth tiger pops around the corner…fear inserts itself and I would get out of the way of the saber-tooth tiger (with significant increase in blood-pressure and heart rate). It’s logical and biological that fear, under the veil of protection, is there to keep us safe.

Now- what happens if the saber-tooth tigers are all gone, yet we continue to feed our own fear? Feed it with worry, anxiety, and overthinking? Fear is contagious and it can grow and spread, quickly. Especially if you feed it and water it – as our society appears to be doing at a feverish pace. Anxiety, depression, hate (all byproducts of fear, from my perspective) …seem to be at all-time highs, so what if?

What if we stopped feeding it and watering it? What if we exchanged fear with faith? The faith that empowers us to reconnect to the belief of “the path we’re on is exactly where we are to be, now, today, right here”. Faith in the construct that life is happening for us, not too us, and everything from the best of days to the worst of days all share something powerful in common…a lesson that can be used to learn and grow. What if our world embraced faith more than fear? Could things be healthier for all of us?

Let me know what you think?

The "why" and "how" behind The Venue

I haven’t posted on this blog since February 11, 2021 and here’s why - I’ve been focused, maybe pre-occupied is a better description, with sending books out into the world, attempting to expand my weekends to include branding my work into a Social Education Platform called the Divergent Thinking Academy for elementary, middle and high schools, and I’m still supporting my teams at TrueBlue with a job I love. Why do all of this? I’d love to say it was for the passion of the work, yet that would be a lie. I’ve been swept into the world of “have to” – you know… “I have to do this” or “I have to do that” because that’s what successful people do – they hustle. The problem is…all of the hustling and the pulling in different directions has created an interesting disconnect to something I hold near and dear to my heart - “having fun”. I love to write. I’m interested in supporting anyone who wants some guidance through life. And Paperclip Thinking and the pillars that make up this thinking continue to shape me in the coolest ways and remain a huge part of who I am and who I’m becoming. For five years I’ve been pre-occupied with “building a business” and my focus had been on growth and expansion. I thought this focus was the proper thing to do and I assumed that this multi-pronged focus would lead me down the path of recognition and money.

Reality check - some of this “business stuff” took the fun out of “why” I do what I do. When the fun & learning stops, I think it’s important to reflect and can be more important to pivot. I’m testing the hypothesis that if we remain focused on our “why” and we spend time supporting others, maybe the other stuff (growth, expansion, etc.) becomes a by-product for the future. I’m shifting my pre-occupation with “build and grow” to a more aligned value system of, “share and guide”. It’s a subtle shift, for me, yet the impact is huge on my well-being. I love a good discussion. I love vulnerable topics. I love the idea of people not feeling “alone” on this planet and I love sharing what I’ve learned on my life’s journey (so others might be able to experience their journey with some additional guidance and perspective and a few less fuck-ups). This is my focus and my “why”.

The “how” is connected to my ability to share and guide through a discussion club called “The Venue”. This discussion club meets every other Wednesday (you can DM me on Instagram, send me a note through FB Messenger, or you can email me to join The Venue’s community). These sessions are one hour long, cost you nothing, and include a mix of people from all corners of the country, ages 14+ are welcome and during our discussions I facilitate a couple of things: 1) I bring forward topics that all of us think about yet very few discuss on a regular basis; 2) our attendees share “ultimate life hacks” for career preparation, personal growth, and life transitions (i.e. learnings from moving from middle school to high school, deciding if college is or isn’t for you, selecting a major if you are in college, choosing a career that you will love and prosper doing, ways to remain balanced in our crazy world, how to build and leverage a network, methods for navigating anxiety and stress, how to change careers later in life…just to name a few of our recent topics); and 3) our community shares all of its knowledge and experiences in a safe environment. Some join to share and some join to listen…some do both. We use Zoom, so you can pop into a session from anywhere.

Please follow @paperclipthinking on Instagram and Facebook. These are two of the platforms where I share content most frequently and I’d be honored if you’d join us as we spread the message of this unique kind of “Paperclip Thinking” and how being divergent in thought can positively impact life.

Following each session of The Venue I’ll be sharing the takeaways from our group discussion on The Paperclip Thinking Blog. If you miss a session – don’t worry – you can subscribe to the blog and learn on your own time and at your own pace:  www.paperclipthinking.com/blog

I hope to hear from you soon and know that from here forward… I’ll be focused on, “changing the world…one discussion at a time”. I hope you’ll consider joining the discussion!

Contact: travis@paperclipthinking.com with any questions. Love y’all.

A Tale of Two Cities...I mean Two Worlds

Thought pre-occupation can be considered collateral damage of a hyper-active mind. I’ve had a hyper-active mind since I can remember and there are times when I get tired of the desire to think. The constant curiosity, the desire to understand where a thought comes from, what sparked it, who planted the seed for the thought…you get the drift. Looking back – this hyper-active mind has done some great things for me (career performance, book creation, business ideas, coaching style), yet if the thoughts are left to run wild, that’s where it becomes more damage than beauty. ‘Thoughts Gone Wild’ don’t get me anywhere, unless anywhere means late or sleepless nights.

Daydreaming moments or eerily quiet times late at night when the thought train leaves the station… sometimes it can be creative and peaceful, and sometimes it’s angst over, why? Why what? Why not me? Why me? Why anything or everything? Those thoughts are stifling, tiring, sometimes dramatic, silly, and most of the time they are anticipatively fabricated, which can be the most unproductive use of the mind.

I live in the mid-west and since mid-December the skies are gray, it’s cold, and as I eluded to…it’s mid-winter in Michigan, so being outside requires gear that one could use to climb Everest and I’m more of a shorts and flip-flops guy. Toss in what I hope to be the tail end of a global pandemic and we’ve got a nice recipe for some blah days, right? This “locked down” world, has given me plenty of time to think, so when the collateral beauty of my hyper-active mind shows up (the ability to find intriguing and contemplative thoughts that could add value to my life), I write. What was the most recent collateral beauty amongst my winter doldrums? The thought of two worlds. More succinctly, I’ve been feeling stretched between two worlds, so let me offer a glimpse into what these worlds feel like.

World #1 is a place where opinions matter, a place where pressure is self-imposed, a place where what you have defines who you are. A place where keeping up is as important as the breath that fills your lungs. A place where your spot on the planet is determined based on what you do for a living or the school you attended, or the neighborhood you choose to live. A place where relationships can lose their Moxy because the time to invest in one another (the watering of the relationship so to speak) is replaced with Netflix or school events or travel sports or Tik-Tok or Facebook or Instagram…or all of it. This world could grind a person into pulp, especially if you have been made aware (or experienced) World #2.

World #2 is a place where the value we have of ourselves is clearly placed in the front and center of our actions and it underpins choices. A place where learning about another person, truly understanding and listening, so we can absorb stories and experiences about who they are become the table stakes of living. These table stakes allow us to embrace different perspectives and provides us with understanding of another. This becomes the currency of life. A place where daily exercise, clean food, and deep sleep are the prerequisites of existence. A place where judgement, ego, guilt, shame, jealousy, and animosity are historical stories from another world. A tired time and it is no longer accepted. A place where creativity is akin to the sunrise, because it occurs every day. A place where gifts of skill vary widely and compliment the community. A place where hugs, love, care, enjoyment of activity, fearlessness, and a steady flow of abundance are everywhere.

I’ve experienced both worlds. And for reasons that would take up more words than I care to type this morning, I own the fact that I’ve chosen to spend more time in World #1 than I have in World #2. How about you? Is World #2 illusionary, utopian, or simply a fabrication of imagination?

My opinion: World #2 and World #1 aren’t that far apart, and they are separated by the simplest of gifts. Gifts that all of us carry inside ourselves. I think we’ve collectively been fed, as if we were starving animals, the notion that World #1 is reality and in order to visit World #2 you must work, persevere, grind (for 30+ years) and then “retire”, so we can experience what World #2 has to offer. And we were starving animals, so we took a bite of this philosophy and then another and another…and before we knew it, we were falsely nourished from the idea that World #1 is the prerequisite to World #2. What if that was the illusion all along?

We thought we were being nourished, with the running, the carting to and from, and the grinding, yet were we traveling farther and farther away from the World that seems more peaceful? I think World #1 is the illusion, and most seem to refer to it as reality. I am a believer that both worlds are true and I’m a believer in the power of that simple gift mentioned a few sentences ago…and that gift is choice. I’d grown tired of World #1, became openly curious about World #2, and still, found some fear while working to fully commit to the behaviors that open the door to a full-time residency in the place that I describe as World #2.

How come?

I think fear plants seeds that sound like this, “too much would change if you really embrace world #2”. “Too many people think you’re weird if you aspire for World #2.” “Your family would surely feel that you’ve lost it- if we gave up some of World #1 for World #2”. “Let’s be honest…you can’t possibly find a place that fits into the description you provided, can you?”

Funny how fear can lock the gate with what we might think is “reason”. Fear locks the gate and freedom of thought and action can open it. What could happen to our lives and to our perceived worlds if we lovingly thanked World #1 for its experiences, its teachings, and its energy and then we peacefully step into World #2?

Full circle moment- my thinking is more intense than some and it is one of my gifts. I’m grateful for the curiosity that had me explore World #2, the patience to learn while in World #1, and now I have access to the gift that all of us have access to…the power of “choice” regarding where I spend my time, my thoughts, and my actions. I’m choosing World #2.

Which world are you choosing to live in?

If you enjoy these posts – you might enjoy one of my books, “Happiness is Over There” or “They All Went Inside” – both share stories that readers have deemed…inspiring. You might even enjoy a visit to The Venue (a discussion club, for all). My books share a passion for love, creative thought, introspection, and personal accountability (in very different ways) and The Venue is a weekly group discussion created to support vulnerable dialogue, learning, and teaching. Proceeds from my books are donated to The Amity Foundation of Dearborn and The Manistee County Child Advocacy Center (both care for families in need). Learn about Paperclip Thinking:  https://linktr.ee/paperclipthinking

The Venue

A friend recently said to me, “You aren’t the show…you’re the Venue.” Hearing this created a whole separate discussion between the two of us, so I’ll come back to this comment in a bit.

In December of 2016 I gave my first attempt at doing something that I’ve felt destined to do and the way I “did it” was to begin writing and speaking about a topic that is very personal to who I am as a person. I began sharing my journey, so that others who are traveling a similar path on this planet would receive a perspective that could support their journey.

A few years have passed since that decision and like many of us are prone to do…I considered my early efforts of publishing books and giving talks a failure. I was focused on an end game that didn’t align with what I wanted from this effort. See…when I have the opportunity to get into discussions about life (yours or mine), these discussions are the best minutes of my day. I’d love to have 3 or 4 of these discussions every day, because I feel that they are raw and authentic – and I grow by leaps and bounds from each of these discussions. This type of chat happens with a select group of people and they don’t happen as often as I would enjoy. Why? I think it’s partially due to the opinion that our life-system, our society, isn’t truly wired to support this kind of dialogue. If we show that vulnerability, we’re weak and if we don’t show it, we’re repressed or callous. All the while…anxiety, depression, obesity, drug and alcohol use…they’re all trending in an unhealthy way (across all age groups), so I’ve been focused on ways to expand the frequency of these discussions in my life and while all of this was swirling in my head, I took part in an “innovation strategy meeting” at work and had an idea kaboom!

My career affords me opportunities to engage in future forward planning sessions, which is a code word for: we get into Zoom rooms (#wantthisvirustogoaway) and learn about ways to innovate the services provided by my company. I was in a session with one of our consulting partners this morning and I heard this quote, “to truly innovate, you’ve got to fall in love with the problem”. Ooh – I loved that and if I’m going to innovate my desire to discuss life with others, what is the problem I am going to fall in love with? After all, I have fallen in love with a shit-ton of my problems, so this approach could be my personal salvation.

What problem do I love? I love the problem idea that becoming hyper self-aware and talking about our life’s apprehensions or challenges are generally taboo topics. I love that problem - because I want to talk about all of this stuff. I want to talk about how people can get a job if they’re miserable or unemployed. I want to talk to a sixty-year old man and support him with the understanding that he could easily have thirty plus years to go on this planet, so re-inventing himself is totally doable. I want to talk with the 13-year old girl who feels like giving up before she has even scraped the surface of how amazing her life could be. I’ll chat it up with the seventeen year-old young man trying to figure out if college makes sense or what the hell to do for a living if that illusionary yellow-bricked road doesn’t feel right, to him.  I’ll most definitely converse with the parent who feels like they are screwing everything up, yet feels compelled to keep on keeping on…all the while they’re lost. I’m down for all of those chats.

Right now – from where I sit – so many people seem to feel that all of those topics are too personal and possibly too intimate to share. Maybe that’s the actual problem I love? Converting taboo to the norm. These topics mentioned above set the stage for discussions about content that I consider to be the beauty of life and yet, we seem to be keeping it all in? How’s that working for us?

I wonder what this world could be like if people had a place where dialogue was table stakes? A place where people came to listen and to learn and to share what they think could be the solution to someone else’s challenge or to their own.  I wonder how the world would respond to a “club” that was created with Zoom meetings (#pandemic), a club where people could submit anonymous questions about what was on their minds and then they were able to listen to speakers (and share with each other) about these topics. We all talk, no one has to know who is in pain or confused, or curious and this club starts its impact on the world. As spring rolls around and the trees in Michigan come back to life, this club will begin meeting at a place… a real live place… where the furniture is comfortable, the fireplace (or bon-fires) are burning peacefully, the game tables are filled, and the butts in these seats feel comfortable enough to listen, to share, and to support each other. This club starts in Michigan and it pops up in city after city, because dialogue about the taboo becomes the norm and the norm makes us all feel so much better about our place on this planet.

As someone who has become a student of human behavior, I’m interested in a pivot. I used to think, as a Coach and Business Leader, that I was the show... “Come see me and your problems will go away”. I made an error. This isn’t true. I’m not the show, never was. You are the show and I’m simply the Venue where all of this dialogue begins and this dialogue could literally change your life.

We will come to this safe place, not an echo chamber, not a place of judgement. We come to this place to share thoughts, question beliefs, seek opinions, collect experiences, and learn and grow with each other. I’ve been fortunate to solve some of my deepest challenges while listening to others talk around a campfire, or while sitting with a friend, staring at trees (from a basement walkout) while sipping a bourbon and having dialogue.

I’m calling this place the Venue and the first discussion is going to take place in February. You’ll find details on Instagram @paperclipthinking and Facebook, so I’m hoping you’ll consider joining this innovative place for dialogue and learning.

If we all fall in love with the same problem, imagine what good we could do!

If you enjoy these posts – you might enjoy one of my books, “Happiness is Over There” or “They All Went Inside” – both share stories that readers have deemed…inspiring.  Both books share my passion for love, creative thought, introspection, and personal accountability (in very different ways) and proceeds from these sales are donated to The Amity Foundation of Dearborn and The Manistee County Child Advocacy Center (both care for families in need). Through my publishing business, Paperclip Thinking LLC, I offer speaking engagements on these topics and in select situations, I offer Family Coaching to those interested in becoming Paperclip Thinkers. You can buy books through my website www.paperclipthinking.com or you can email me at travis@paperclipthinking.com with any questions.

Parenting Puzzle

The global pandemic has owned the headline space since March and while we continue adjusting to keeping healthy, wearing masks, embracing restrictions, and virtually embracing from six feet…one thing has not slowed down…the opportunities to parent. The parent & child relationship has been thrust into unknown territory – no one has had to parent in a global pandemic since the early 1900’s, so we’re all flying blind on this one. I have three children (incoming freshman at Michigan State University, a junior in High School, and an eighth grader), so as I reflect back on this spring/summer, we’ve continued to parent as best we can during these crazy times. Even though this pandemic hasn’t made things easy (talk track in our house starting March 12th …Child: “Can we go out?” – Parent: “No…we’re sheltering in place!”- Child: “This sucks!” – Parent: “Thanks for that input, good chat.”), it has afforded me the opportunity to reflect on so many things, and one of the things I’ve reflected on is my incessant desire to control things that just aren’t built for control. As a method to curtail my controlling nature, I like to compare my life to a river (when I let things flow it can feel effortless and when I jump off the raft and try to control the flow of the river, swimming upstream, life becomes more challenging and exhausting). The more I parent during COVID-19, I have shifted metaphors. Metaphors are my spirit animal, so bear with me on this one. Life feels like a puzzle more than a river because I feel like I’m playing a part in building something, not simply coasting down the river. I am building my own resilience, building the ability to be compassionate and this “puzzle” isn’t the kind of puzzle that gives a picture of what the puzzle is intended to look like when completed…this COVID-19 parenting puzzle is going to give you NO sign of what the end game looks like and you only receive a couple pieces per week. Our oldest graduates from Dearborn High School on Tuesday, July 14th. My wife and I will walk with him (followed closely by a minivan with his brother, sister, and grandparents) and together, and mostly six feet apart, we’ll celebrate the latest chapter of his journey or maybe I’ll begin calling graduation his next “puzzle piece”.

Immediately following graduation we’ll pivot toward his adventures at Michigan State University. Dorm rooms, social distancing, on-line class schedules, “hybrid learning”, and another set of pieces to this puzzle and we’ll do what we can to support him in building a beautiful picture.

Puzzles may take time, puzzles may feel complex, puzzles may create some frustration AND…puzzles can be rewarding, they can display a beautiful design when complete, and if they break apart, they can be rebuilt. Most importantly for me, I recognized that all of the pieces of a puzzle are different. Different curves and corners are required to finish that puzzle and it takes all of these differences in order to build something beautiful, so as a parent…I’m working to embrace the differences that my children bring to this opportunity, not control them in any way, shape, or form.

As my wife and I continue to parent our children through these unique times, let’s remember that their ideas, their perspectives, and their interests may be very different than ours, and that’s a good thing. It is the differences that can make our families such beautiful things. I can’t control what the pieces look like, I can’t control when the pieces are given to us, yet I can choose to keep a safe distance and support my children in building the best looking puzzle possible, with the pieces they are given.  

If you enjoy these posts – you might enjoy one of my books, “Happiness is Over There” or “They All Went Inside” – both share stories that readers have deemed…inspiring.  Both books share my passion for love, creative thought, introspection, and personal accountability (in very different ways) and proceeds from these sales are donated to The Amity Foundation of Dearborn and The Manistee County Child Advocacy Center (both care for families in need). Through my publishing business, Paperclip Thinking LLC, I offer speaking engagements on these topics and in select situations, I offer Family Coaching to those interested in becoming Paperclip Thinkers. You can buy books through my website www.paperclipthinking.com/buymybooks or you can email me at travis@paperclipthinking.com with any questions.

What have you seen (in the midst of a pandemic)?

We’ve been under “shelter in place” since March 12, 2020, so for 9 weeks I’ve been writing in my journal about this experience and working to document and articulate what was happening in the world around me. How was this impacting me? My family? Those I have closest access to?  In total, I created 22 journal entries – some were long and emotional – some were short and sweet – all of them fell into the bucket of “unprecedented”.

This pandemic is an experience that none of us planned for and similar to many of the unforeseen experiences of life, they tend to sneak up and then Tsunami like…they are “everywhere” – news channels, social media, school announcements, emails…everywhere! My reality through this experience was (and is) tied to my perceptions and perspectives, so from my perspective, I was able to find some beauty within this whirlwind. Please don’t misinterpret what I’m saying…It wasn’t constant beauty. I had a family member impacted by this virus, I knew people who lost family members due to this virus, and I’m sure everyone knows someone who is now unemployed because of this virus. None of this would be fair to label as beauty, yet, through all of this- I still saw (and see) beauty. Our adventure on this planet took a turn. These moments, these experiences, these highs and lows…this is the present (and I’m choosing to live here and now).

What did I see?  Where was this beauty? To start – I reconnected to something very deep and very spiritual. That inspiration led to the creation of two characters (Mumma & Little One) for the book, “They All Went Inside”, and this story is in the hands of hundreds of people now and it tells one perspective about this pandemic and I’m hoping to have it in as many hands as possible. Hands willing and able to listen and consider these characters teachings.

Then - my wife and I worked on our house and our finances… we re-connected to the concept of needs versus wants and we shared these experiences with our children. Powerful lessons for all of us. We also mourned the loss and celebrated the life of a friend who passed during this time and my wife and I supported more teaching with our children: sharing love, and openly discussing what this experience could be like for our friends and their family. This dialogue is beauty!

I watched, read, and viewed a level of divisiveness that was also unprecedented. Topics like vaccinations, social distancing, conspiracy theories, political support, economic recovery, viral disaster planning, executive orders, free speech, and immune systems took on a life of their own and brought out, from my perspective, some of the worst of our human condition. Through this madness, our family continued to have dialogue about these topics and that was something that hadn’t been happening in my family (as frequently) pre-COVID. Again, more beauty.

I look forward to Michigan and the rest of the U.S. reopening, moving forward, and healing. I ask everyone to consider remaining in your heart during these times. Remain close to the things you love, the places you love, the people you love. Don’t allow the hustle and bustle to resume, unfettered, and allow this experience to become a distant memory. I pray to the God I believe in, the God who inspires me, that we all remember the power of dialogue: truly seeking to understand another’s perspective and using that perspective to learn and to grow (even if it means we completely disagree with the person we’re learning from).

These are the experiences that I considered beautiful during a global pandemic. If you’re willing, please share what you learned in the comments section, so I might be able to gather additional perspectives from those of you who see the world differently.

Love to all of you- Travis

If you enjoy these posts – you might enjoy one of my books, “Happiness is Over There” or “They All Went Inside” – both share stories that readers have deemed…inspiring.  Both books share my passion for love, creative thought, introspection, and personal accountability (in very different ways) and proceeds from these sales are donated to The Amity Foundation of Dearborn and The Manistee County Child Advocacy Center (both care for families in need). Through my publishing business, Paperclip Thinking LLC, I offer speaking engagements on these topics and in select situations, I offer Career and Family Coaching to those interested in becoming Paperclip Thinkers. You can buy books through my website www.paperclipthinking.com or you can email me at travis@paperclipthinking.com with any questions.

Surrender is an interesting word...isn't it?

I thought 2008 – in the midst of a global recession - was going to shape up to be one of the most challenging times of my life (present and future). After all – millions of homes were going into foreclosure, people lost work, banks were being bailed out, and the stock market was in tough shape. It was a nightmare (or so I thought).

Flash forward to 2020 and perspectives change. I will always remember: COVID-19, pandemic, case counts, death counts, shelter in place, essential services, businesses closed, 25 million people out of work, an economy in a free fall, and a government that was built on ego and looking good – trying their best to navigate a country through the midst of this unprecedented time.

Now might be an odd time to bring up the word surrender, but I like odd, so here we go. And…before the traditional definition of the word “surrender” has you twist into using phrases like, “snowflake”, “weak”, or “giving up”, please read on with an open mind and heart.

I was conditioned to believe that surrender is a form of weakness. I didn’t surrender on the field of competition, I didn’t surrender to depression, I didn’t surrender to financial collapse, I have friends who have served honorably in the military and they might say they didn’t surrender on the field of battle, and if you surrender in the corporate world, your career might be in jeopardy. It’s easy to see how using the word surrender could have a negative connotation.

Every year I create a new journal.  A standing Christmas gift from my Mother and Father. Same style, same logo stamped on the lower right corner (the year and my initials) and during the first week of January I write an intention for the year.  I use this exercise as a way to manifest the good and the beauty and the abundance for the upcoming year that I intend for the universe to provide.

This year’s intention: January 2020 – “A year rooted in becoming a listener, fully focused on understanding.  A year rooted in un-inviting fear (not welcome here) and a year rooted in honesty.  The beginning of a full surrender to the peace of life and to the roll I play on this planet, and to the God I believe in and all of the energy and love he has created for us.”

As I wrote this intention, I used the term surrender without thinking about the broader meaning. I reflect on it almost every day, and as I reflected on it this morning- I could not have imagined how perfectly aligned it is, for me, during this time. I have a new belief that surrender is about letting go, not giving up. It’s letting go of expectations, preconceived plans, and the fear that can come during change. Surrendering to my faith and to the faith of the people of this world. Surrendering to the belief that we do have the ability to grow from this, to learn from this, and to prosper in this new normal. This time has reinforced my love and faith in so many areas.  I’m surrendering to the peace of life, whatever that may look like. Surrender isn’t for the weak – it’s a way to embrace peace. 

I invite you to consider and I send Love to all of you.

If you enjoy these posts – you might enjoy one of my books, “Happiness is Over There” or “They All Went Inside” – both share stories that readers have deemed…inspiring.  Both books share my passion for love, creative thought, introspection, and personal accountability (in very different ways) and through Paperclip Thinking LLC, I provide speaking engagements on these topics and in select situations, I offer group or individual sessions for those interested in becoming Paperclip Thinkers. You can buy books through my website  www.paperclipthinking.com or you can email me at travis@paperclipthinking.com to arrange book delivery or set up speaking engagements or in-person & on-line sessions.

The beauty that isn't easily seen...

March 19, 2020

To my oldest child, Braeden, I’d like to share this with you - specifically you.  I’ve posted the article for others to see and read, although I’m writing this as if it were you and me and only you and me.  We are starting week 2 of “social distancing” and I know you’re pissed.  Aren’t all of us in some way, shape, or form?

It is one of the best clichés…”you never know what life holds”.  Well, let’s start with this – I never knew that we would be working from home together for a month (maybe more) and that our evenings would be filled with discussions about what “really” constitutes breaking the social distancing practice that we are currently applying in our lives.

I never knew that toilet paper, paper towels, chicken breasts, bread, and bottles of water would become the hot topic of the 2020 spring break season.  I never knew how much I enjoyed popping out to a movie theater to see a quick flick.  I never realized how much I could miss a 6am workout with some incredibly fun and engaging people, and I never knew how blessed we really are, until I read article after article about kids without breakfast and lunch, thousands of sick people, media coverage that is relentless in its inadvertent attempts to scare the shit out of everyone.  The cliché has come to life, “we never knew what life holds”, did we?

You and your classmates (around the world) who are scheduled to graduate from high school this spring/summer are facing an unprecedented time (at least over the last 100 years) and living in a time of uncertainty and fragility could make many people crumble, but not you.  I see you each day…so many of you and your friends – getting up, doing your thing, talking to each other, riding that mountain bike, walking that dog, Tik Tok (and more Tik Tok), crunching that homework, and through all of this you are growing and that growing is the beauty that you can’t see.  You began asking about building tables, buying lumber, and working with your hands.  You have found ways to get outside, safely, and maintain your energy and you are maintaining your focus through the most distracting of times.

You (and so many of your age-mates) have the right to choose to be pissed about what is happening.  You have the right to be frustrated and dismayed about this pandemic we face.  What’s pretty astonishing to me… through all of this – you’ve asked me how I’m doing more that I’ve asked you?  Ironic, right?  In a world where it’s assumed that the parent is to be looking after the child, I’ve experienced you looking after us.  I can see a confidence in your stance and through your behaviors, I’m feeling stronger and stronger that we are all going to be okay through this “hiccup”.  I trust in our friends, our family, our country, and in you and your generation.  We will most definitely experience an impact from all of this shit, and one thing that lays comfortably around me…you are strong (and so are all of you in the class of 2020).  Tears, emotions, shortness with your friends and family (all normal), because you are human and this is not easy or comfortable.  To the graduating class of COVID-19, let life throw its futile attempt at kicking you down.  You’re already showing all of us what it means to be resilient and that, too, is beauty that can’t be easily be seen.

Thank you, Braeden.  I love you.  Now…let’s plan for that exciting day when you can go back to school and get out of the damn house, so I can have my office room back! J

If you enjoy these posts – you might enjoy a copy of my book, “Happiness is Over There” – which is a personal memoir detailing the stories, learnings, and exercises I used to shift my life from dark and chaotic to a life of light and productivity.  Through Paperclip Thinking LLC, I also support group and individual coaching sessions as well as book talks for groups of 15-20.  You can buy a signed copy at www.paperclipthinking.com or you can email me at travis@paperclipthinking.com to arrange book delivery or set up coaching and group talks/sessions.

Story #2 (2020) - Feeling Broken

I share through my writing because I’m interested in finding people who enjoy sharing and learning.  The people who get called “They”…you know those people.  “They” say it’s a good idea or “They” say it’s not.  “They” will say that one who is interested in writing or speaking or guiding would benefit from writing, speaking, and guiding about something they know, something that inspires them.

My inspiration- eradicating the belief that anyone of us is “broken”.  Eradicating the anxiety, fear, and depression that are the traditional byproducts of the “broken” mindset.  I know that all-consuming fear that comes from feeling broken – and I’m sure a bunch of you know it too.  It may appear odd that “feeling broken” has turned into an inspiration.  Yes- coming from a man who spends hours each week exploring reasons that had me feel broken led me into a deeper search for understanding.  What I learned as I practiced ways to shift my mindset was this: the most effective way, for me, out of that place was through that place.  Passing through that state of mind started with sharing and dialogue.  Sharing articles, book talks, coaching and sharing with high school kids are the ways I sparked more dialogue (and it was super therapeutic).  The sharing did something for me and for those receiving the sharing - it created more curiosity.  I noticed that questions began coming to me (from the most unlikely people).  People made statements about their lives and taught me about how they were feeling.  They shared what had them feeling this sense of “broken”, and these talks were inspirational.  Energy begets energy and that would mean sharing begets sharing.  More and more sharing (with hundreds of people) and the topics were bad-ass: anxiety, careers, relationships, parenting, depression, money…we kept sharing and the more we shared the more I learned and the less broken I felt.  I want to share more and I want to learn more- who’s in?

We have all heard phrases like, toughen-up, buck-up, man-up, or woman-up.  What if we dialogued-up?  I’m gathering data that suggests that the lives we choose were meant to be appreciated as the ultimate adventure in learning and too many of us are riddled with the fear and anxiety that comes from feeling broken and that is preventing us from learning and growing, so I’d like to dialogue more (with all of you).  Get a group together and we can all chat.  If you want to share 1:1, we can meet for coffee or a drink or a dinner and the discussions can be rooted in sharing, teaching, learning- that’s true dialogue.  That feeling of “being broken” is a lie that I told myself and then I did the most damaging thing imaginable, I believed the lie- the lie of lack, the lie of not being “enough”.  Please don’t do that to yourself.  If you haven’t done that- excellent, yet share with me anyway because I want to learn how you prevented buying into that garbage lie I’d told myself.  If you do feel a bit busted up or confused about life’s journey- excellent, share with me, so we can work together and remind each other that life has all kinds of fun waiting for us to explore.  Does anyone know someone who might benefit from some sharing and some learning?  I believe you are out there.  I’d enjoy learning from you. 

If you enjoy these posts – you might enjoy a copy of my book, “Happiness is Over There” – which is a personal memoir detailing the stories, learnings, and exercises I used to shift my life from dark and chaotic to a life of light and productivity.  Through Paperclip Thinking LLC, I also support group and individual coaching sessions as well as book talks for groups of 15-20.  You can buy a signed copy at www.paperclipthinking.com or you can email me at travis@paperclipthinking.com to arrange book delivery or set up coaching and group talks/sessions.

Story #1 (2020)- A recipe I've chosen

Story #1 – A recipe I’ve chosen (January 22, 2020)

Slow down, simplify, and make decisions rooted in peace and enjoyment.  Look for a partner who is interested in a similar path.  Treat the body with love and respect and treat the mind just the same.  Forgive ill decisions of the past and remain focused on doing and being the very things you enjoy.  When fear approaches, learn from it, please don’t run from it.  Fear can be an amazing teacher in such an indirect way.  Align to those who inspire you and ensure that you work to inspire others on a daily basis.  Inspiration can come in the smallest of gestures, so please don’t feel the need to be grand with your inspiration, after all, inspiration will spread and grow, so even the smallest of acts will become monumental over the long term.  Love all of the people you encounter.  You don’t have to agree with everyone, you don’t have to enjoy everyone, yet we can LOVE everyone.  Be respectful of money, have fun with it, don’t be a slave to it or allow it a place on any type of mental pedestal.  Ask questions of people, learn how they move through this visit on earth.  See places that are different from your daily routine.  They don’t have to be faraway lands, they could be the park you’ve never visited, the neighborhood you’ve never explored.  Continue to (or start) enjoying each moment for what it was intended for – growth & love.  Be the storyteller you want to be.  Connect with more people and share the recipes that you have collected that make life inspiring and fun versus anxiety filled and frustrating.  We are all on the planet, together, and sharing could impact so many people.  Embrace the masses and fear not the judgement that may come.  It’s okay for those to judge and those judging may be hurting too, which is a powerful reason to choose to see them through God’s eyes.  Love.  Be close to God, to his energy, to his peace.  Talk to him, he’ll talk back in the most beautiful ways.  Know that our lives were chosen, so there is nothing to be concerned about.  Love, listen, learn, play, repeat.

This is my recipe for 2020 and beyond.  What’s yours?

If you enjoy these posts – you might enjoy a copy of my book, “Happiness is Over There” – which is a personal memoir detailing the stories, learnings, and exercises I used to shift my life from dark and chaotic to a life of light and productivity.  Through Paperclip Thinking LLC, I also support group and individual coaching sessions as well as book talks for groups of 15-20.  You can buy a signed copy at www.paperclipthinking.com or you can email me at travis@paperclipthinking.com to arrange book delivery or set up coaching and group talks/sessions.

47 Years

47 Years

I’m smiling as I reflect back on the year.  I turned 47 on November 29th and as I pen this on December 3rd - I can say without caveat that this has been the most trans-formative year of my life.  Here is what has me say that:

1.       I’m no longer interested in pushing people to be someone or something that they aren’t.  I’ve done that for a long time and it only creates pain.  If something works for me and my joy, great, if it doesn’t – that’s okay.  It’s okay because I’ve embraced the idea that we can always accept, change, or leave any given situation and that is true freedom.  These three inevitability make this adventure on earth more peaceful. So much more peaceful than living the illusion that we can force people or things into a different behavioral state.  I’ve stopped trying to do this and it is making my life infinitely more serene.

2.       I’m here by choice.  I’m here to influence, learn, support, love, care, create, and not every day do I embrace all of these states of being, yet I accept them as truth, so embracing them and living with the choice I’ve made to be here, has me peaceful.

3.       My kids, my wife, my friends, family, strangers, and everyone else…is on their own journey and path, so I’m respecting these paths and the behaviors of the people on them.  I continue to work to retire emotions like anger, hostility, jealousy, judgement, or regret.  Again – noting that we all have a journey, anything that would cause these negative emotions probably comes from believing something someone said or did as a personal attack on me, and that is no longer a belief system I’m interested in embracing.  Compassion for everyone and that compassion, is freedom.

4.       I love everyone.  I love them in a way I know, a way that is quiet to some, loud to others, although it is always love.

5.       I have accepted that fear exists in me, on this planet, and with each of you – I’ve simply decided to no longer agree with what it is telling me.  Fear wanted me to leave the planet early, fear had me want to stop writing work like this, and fear had me believing that I wasn’t enough.  I’m no longer interested in what fear has to say.  I’ll pay attention when it rears its head, I just don’t believe its message, anymore.  This practice has created so many new opportunities, growth moments, experiences, friendships, connections- and that is enough for me.

6.       I am doing things that I love doing and I’m no longer labeling them in ways I used to: I don’t have to start a bakery to be a baker.  I don’t have to launch a food truck business to enjoy cooking.  I don’t have to publish another book to be a writer.  I don’t have to starve myself to be healthy.  I don’t have to gorge on whatever I choose because I miss a day at the gym.  If you love to write, then I invite you to write.  If you love to cook, then I invite you to cook.  My work no longer is a separate piece of my life, I chose work that enjoys each of these parts of me, and so I invite you to find the same type of peace.

7.       I’ve connected with God, Jesus, and so many other amazing souls through the Universe.  I’m listening with them, to them, and this lost art, which all of us have access to, has been reignited through a dear friend and spiritual healer to whom I will be eternally grateful.  Vibrations of energy, healing, health, transition, listening – these are all areas of my life that have been deeply solidified through my discussions with the souls in our universe who are ready to teach us as soon as we are ready to listen.

8.       I have forgiven myself for the judgement I have placed on so many people. No judgement is needed.  I believe that I have chosen to be with the people I encounter on a daily basis and if I respect their journey, then no judgement is needed AND…I forgive myself for imparting that judgement, because I am so very sorry for be judgmental in the first place.

9.       I’m ready for more transition – I’m preparing each day to have as much fun and joy on this planet as I can.  I’m preparing to become a student of listening to understand (something I have NOT been practicing for the bulk of my time on this planet) and through this listening I’m excited about what I’m going to learn and from who I will learn.

10.   I share openly.  I share in a way that is not intended to change the listener or the reader, instead…it is sharing as an invitation to embrace what I’ve been blessed to learn and if it can add value into someone’s life, they’ll choose it when ready.

11.   I love myself.  It sounds funny when I read it back.  I love me, because I am love, we are all love, which is why I love you and I will be love long after this body has served its travel purpose on earth.  I love all of you and I do look forward to a day and time when all of us embrace this same sentiment – life is so much more fun with lots o’ love.

These are the reasons that this year has been so powerful, for me.  As everything grows and expands – I’m open arms and open soul for what growth and new experiences I’ll embrace in 2020.

If you enjoy these posts – you might enjoy a copy of my book, “Happiness is Over There” – which is a personal memoir detailing the stories, learnings, and exercises I used to shift my life from dark and chaotic to a life of light and productivity.  Through Paperclip Thinking LLC, I also support group and individual coaching sessions as well as book talks for groups of 15-20.  You can buy a signed copy at www.paperclipthinking.com or you can email me at travis@paperclipthinking.com to arrange book delivery or set up coaching and group talks/sessions.

Your words...My Pen

Your Words…My Pen

I listen for you – I’m asking more questions.

Looking to learn and break from attention.

Your words were quiet and I hid from their meaning…

They’re always your words- I’m finally listening.

Listening for you and your guidance from heaven- my pen will transcribe, this is a given.

Thank you for words of love and perspective- I’m sharing with all… so more might listen.

If you enjoy these posts – you might enjoy a copy of my book, “Happiness is Over There” – which is a personal memoir detailing the stories, learnings, and exercises I used to shift my life from dark and chaotic to a life of light and productivity.  Through Paperclip Thinking LLC, I also support group and individual coaching sessions as well as book talks for groups of 15-20.  You can buy a signed copy at www.paperclipthinking.com or you can email me at travis@paperclipthinking.com to arrange book delivery or set up coaching and group talks/sessions.

It's Happening...

It’s Happening

The Happening is real, it’s love and it’s true.

It’s a Happening of energy radiant and blue.

It is all around us, all the time.

Can we choose to sit for just a moment and appreciate the power of the design?

So much power in the pieces that fit…

So much to learn while we rest, while we sit.

This visit to earth is purely adventure.

It ‘s opportunity to learn and that starts with surrender…

Some learning we accept, other learning we burn.

We burn this learning with our neglect to choose.

When will we learn that there’s nothing to lose?

We learn when we’re free, when we embrace our core.

Always choose love- always choose more.

See…this life is a visit, a ride, and a process…

This happening occurs every day…it is love all around us.

If you enjoy these posts – you might enjoy a copy of my book, “Happiness is Over There” – which is a personal memoir detailing the stories, learnings, and exercises I used to shift my life from dark and chaotic to a life of light and productivity.  Through Paperclip Thinking LLC, I also support group and individual coaching sessions as well as book talks for groups of 15-20.  You can buy a signed copy at www.paperclipthinking.com or you can email me at travis@paperclipthinking.com to arrange book delivery or set up coaching and group talks/sessions.

Love Ourselves...

Love Ourselves

It’s the best thing to do when paths confuse.

To love ourselves can heal abuse.

The abuse we’ve experienced, chosen, selected, endured.

To love ourselves in truly the cure.

Our lives are made to feel complex and twisted.

They are neither of those things, why have we made them conflicted?

Have we made them through fear and concerns about others.

Friends, spouses, fathers…mothers.

Do we push away experiences and desires?

Then blame our pain and fear on others?

Soon we’ll learn to embrace our journey.

To smile each day and to learn from many.

Being quiet in mind and listening to learn.

These are the paths that truly warrant the yearn.

A yearn to grow, here and above.

The secret that was absent, maybe avoided…

Was our choice to “be” Love?

If you enjoy these posts – you might enjoy a copy of my book, “Happiness is Over There” – which is a personal memoir detailing the stories, learnings, and exercises I used to shift my life from dark and chaotic to a life of light and productivity.  Through Paperclip Thinking LLC, I also support group and individual coaching sessions as well as book talks for groups of 15-20.  You can buy a signed copy at www.paperclipthinking.com or you can email me at travis@paperclipthinking.com to arrange book delivery or set up coaching and group talks/sessions.

Gratitude Inventory

Inventories.  We use them in our manufacturing businesses to count our product lines, school districts take inventory of their students, and sport teams take inventory of their equipment and uniforms. 

I use an inventory concept within my life’s introspection and that inventory becomes an exercise that supports my personal growth, so I wanted to share with each of you.  I inventory the time I spend exercising, the time I spend reading and writing, the time I spend being productive in my career, the time I spend with friends and family.  These are things that I want ample supply, so I inventory them to ensure my life has these facets.  Others might have different areas to inventory, because we all choose different areas of our lives that we deem to be important.  Interestingly enough, one area I haven’t paid attention to was an inventory of the gratitude I share with the world, the people around me, and the people I come in contact with.  How much gratitude do I recognize and share, daily?

What do I have in my gratitude inventory?  I went back through my experiences and thought about the different times of my life and here is a sample of what I’ve uncovered:

I’ve enjoyed my tenacity for experiences.  I’ve built a career that has added value to the clients I’ve supported and to my family.  I’ve continued my life-long education, I’ve learned to cook, to clean, to install ceiling fans, to paint, to drive.  I’ve flown all over the world, I’ve seen different countries, and there are plenty more to see.  I’ve been fortunate to learn how to love and I’ve learned the experiences of nature, talking to trees, watching the life cycle of a lake’s wave, and I’ve been blessed to write poetry, stories, and a book.  I’ve coached and inspired other people.  I’ve experienced wealth and financial despair.  I’ve experienced healthy and unhealthy physical intimacy. I’ve had light and darkness.  I’ve learned to listen (although I still talk too much) and I’m learning how to ask great questions that lead to great dialogue.

And this gratitude inventory led me to remember the most critical piece of my life, which is the ability to love myself, and this is reinforced through this exercise, daily.  Remember to have (dialogue) because it creates (connection), which leads to (opportunities) for amazing (experiences).  Your life’s gratitude inventory could lead to some amazing experiences- I hope you’ll try it.

Whole

We all begin this journey whole.

The experiences begin do we dismantle to learn?

To Yearn.

To Grow.

Piece by Piece dismantle can feel destructive…

Is it?

We are whole the entirety of our lives.

Never pieces always whole.

We’re always enough yet the masks we’ve chosen to wear separate.

Separate us from who we are.

Our wholeness is not far.

The more we connect.

Ask and share.

Dialogue’s a way to eliminate our despair.

Remember the awe the gratitude for all.

We are whole, we are enough.

Please stand tall.

If you enjoy these posts – you might enjoy a copy of my book, “Happiness is Over There” – which is a personal memoir detailing the stories, learnings, and exercises I used to shift my life from dark and chaotic to a life of light and productivity.  Through Paperclip Thinking LLC, I also support group and individual coaching sessions as well as book talks for groups of 15-20.  You can buy a signed copy at www.paperclipthinking.com or you can email me at travis@paperclipthinking.com to arrange book delivery or set up coaching and group talks/sessions.

What is your "one thing"...

My wife and I have three children.  Our oldest is a senior in high school and we’ve just kicked off the new school year. It already feels like the world is spinning too damn fast and the insane part about this senior year experience is how nothing has really changed, but everything feels different.  We’ve been through freshman, sophomore, and junior year, so we (his Mom and I) have witnessed all of this stuff before: tennis matches; homecoming dances; swim meets; golf matches; time with friends; band parties; work shifts; leaving his shit around the house; and yet all of it feels different because these are the last times we’ll get to see these things from the vantage point of being his high school parents.  Exciting and saddening simultaneously. 

Through the summer and into the start of this school year, I could see his wheels turning too: where will I go to school; what will I do for work; is this Common App thing going to be a pain in the ass; where will I live; how many hours do senior pictures take… and then, last weekend, he asked us for perspective on something a bit deeper.  He wanted to know why he hadn’t found his “one thing”.  I thought I understood what he meant when he asked, but I had to ask for some more clarity.  It was early evening on a Sunday night, so as much as I enjoy a good esoteric talk, I wanted to make sure I was going to be able to support what he was looking for and not take us into the wee hours.  What he shared hit home.  He expressed feeling like he was missing out on some of life because he hadn’t identified something that inspired him, fully.  Something that triggered a desire to place all of his passion and energy into it.  He went on about how he was feeling and I loved that he took my wife and me down this path.  The question saddened me a bit, especially because he was feeling that he was lacking in life because he didn’t have “one thing” to throw all of his life’s energy at.  He rattled off a bunch of friends who he assumed had their “one thing” and this assumption was powering his outlook.  What caused it?

It’s talked about often – the societal pressure that kids face today – and I think it’s totally different (and more intensified) than my Generation X cronies ever experienced.  The idea of finding this “one thing” can be painful.  And…with some wisdom behind me, I think to myself, “who wants to find one thing anyway?”  Our world is made up of diversity (we look for diversity in school, at work, in our day to day lives – you know, that well rounded person and those differing opinions that make us unique, but somehow, we have shoved the idea that kids must excel at “one thing” and find their passion by the time they graduate high school?  I call bullshit.  One sport athletes, kids being asked to choose their major before they even go off to college, asking what they want to do for a living (at 17).  It all seems so crazy to me, so very real to him.

As a side note: outside my parenting, husbanding, and occasional “adulting” duties, I am a recruiting executive, a coach, and an author.  I live by, coach, write about, and share principles that I call Paperclip Thinking.  This thinking is a way that triggers the brain to be more divergent in thought and the principles – self valuation, personal accountability, introspection, divergent thought, intentional living – have supported me in opening up the way I make decisions and process deep questions.  When I think about various topics I enjoy finding multiple solutions to a perceived challenge and as easy as it can be to get trapped in believing that there is only one right answer to a challenge, I use the following phrase as a way to open up my mind and identify more options.  The phrase, “How many ways could we…” does just that.  It challenges me to start building lists of possibilities.  Let’s apply this Paperclip Thinking to the “one thing” scenario...How many ways could you appreciate the diversity of your life’s many activities?  How many ways could tons of experiences add value in your life?  How many ways could you choose a profession/activity that inspires you?  Start writing and create lists that answer the questions you’ve posed to yourself.  I believe the answers will come from the lists of possibilities.

Now here is something else to think about.  Are we coaching our children to find “one thing”?  Are we inadvertently guiding them to throw all of their energy into one sport, one activity, or one club?  Could this be a recipe for pain and pressure?  Personal introspection moment…did my wife and I teach our son that he was lacking in life because he didn’t have “one thing”?  Maybe.  And if so, could we unwind this thinking before the sun rises on Monday morning?  Eh – maybe not.  I do know this.  I love learning from my son.  He teaches us as much and as often as we teach him.  His question made us think.  I, for one, have read a number of stories, watched documentaries, and have spoken to parents about this topic.  It seems there are fewer kids sampling life.  Could there really be a larger numbers of kids no longer bouncing from season to season, playing different sports, joining different clubs, interacting with different people, and sampling life?  They seem to be training, planning and preparing to do their “one thing” and I feel like this might be setting them up for a bubble that is destined to burst.

To my son…if “one thing” is the popular thing now…maybe your “one thing” could be the fact that you are exploring so many things.  You are sampling and for that…we are excited for you.  Keep it up, my man.

If you enjoy these posts – you might enjoy a copy of my book, “Happiness is Over There” – which is a personal memoir detailing the stories, learnings, and exercises I used to shift my life from dark and chaotic to a life of light and productivity.  Through Paperclip Thinking LLC, I also support group and individual coaching sessions as well as book talks for groups of 15-20.  You can buy a signed copy at www.paperclipthinking.com or you can email me at travis@paperclipthinking.com to arrange book delivery or set up coaching and group talks/sessions.

A new path...

If you enjoy these posts – you might enjoy a copy of my book, “Happiness is Over There” – which is a personal memoir detailing the stories, learnings, and exercises I used to shift my life from dark and chaotic to a life of light and productivity.  Through Paperclip Thinking LLC, I also support group and individual coaching sessions as well as book talks for groups of 15-20.  You can connect with me through www.paperclipthinking.com or you can email me at travis@paperclipthinking.com to arrange book delivery.

I work with high school students, college students, and adults who have in interest in a different way of thinking and living.  The anxiety that plagues so many is painful to hear about: the incessant use of technology (as a means of pulling away from dialogue and connection); how we define bullying; fear of failure, the illusion that is perfection; must have a 4.0, have to score 1300+ on the SAT, should play a sport in college, have to have the best body, need to make my parents proud, must be an entrepreneur, have to have a huge income, need to send my kids to an Ivy League school…any of this sound familiar?

Yes- all of this MUST, SHOULD, HAVE, and NEED pressure drove me bat shit crazy too, yet so many of us still seem to wonder why ADHD, Anxiety, Depression, Mass Shootings, Loneliness, and Pain appear on the Top List of all of our news channels?

I’ve had enough.  Have you?  If so…I have an invitation for you.  I have a program that I created after working my way out of “the box”.  I use the metaphor of “the box” because that’s what life used to feel like.  That box of pressure, fear, anxiety, and depression that I seemed to live in.  The beautiful news…all of that stuff that you read about, that I just listed, and we all quiver about from time to time, is partly a self-inflicted illusion (at least it was, for me).  There is another way of thinking, behaving, and responding to the world around us.  I won’t claim that stress, pain, and some of the discomfort that seems to be the norm today will simply vanish or disappear, but what I can say is that I have been practicing a new set of behaviors and they support me in seeing the creativity, the beauty, the innovation, the prosperity, and the love that is in our world.

If you feel overwhelmed by the life you’re currently living…feel free to reach out and I’m happy to share what I learned and how I apply it.  Maybe it could benefit you, too?

That Gorge we perceive looks deep and dark.

How do we cross? How do we part?

Part from the path where pain exists.

Across to a place where harmony persists.

One board at a time.

One board more.

Through patience and persistence- this is not a chore.

Invest in you, learn and grow, so you can experience the world’s beauty and flow.

Is this a bridge that will pave the way?

Can we build this bridge each and every day?

Building is powerful, it’s time with Dad, the time we’ve loved

and the time we’ve had.

Welcome all who build together.

For in the end we’ll fly light as a feather.

This doesn't have to be the norm...

If you enjoy these posts – you might enjoy a copy of my book, “Happiness is Over There” – which is a personal memoir detailing the stories, learnings, and exercises I used to shift my life from dark and chaotic to a life of light and productivity.  You can buy a signed copy at www.paperclipthinking.com or you can email me at travis@paperclipthinking.com to arrange book delivery.

Anxiety and Depression are way too mainstream for my liking.  Like millions of others, my first bout of anxiety started in 7th grade and it took years of suppression for that subtle anxiety to become a real problem, which led to a “break down” when I was 26 years old.  I spent the subsequent 21 years reading, writing, researching, experimenting with new behaviors, dedicating myself to remedying the anxiety and depression I lived with.  I chose to function with an anxiety pill from time to time, chose to have a few drinks, buried down feelings, reminded myself that “life is hard”, and I faced off with people who woke most mornings wondering how anyone could feel anxious or depressed and then I watched them plant their left foot in front of their right foot and keep on moving, which felt impossible to me.  This world is filled with all kinds of stories, all kinds of remedies, and I am intrigued by all of them.

I am in a different place now.  I am more comfortable in sharing my experiences because I believe it to be one of the chief purposes I am on the planet.  My purpose being to listen and share, when needed.  A purpose to remind anyone who is feeling a bit dark, a bit confused, a bit bummed out about their place on the planet - that they are not broken and that they will always have someone to talk to, and that can be me.  I will be here to listen, I will be here to support, and I’ll be here to offer experiences and ideas that could support you in shifting the trajectory of your life.

I’ve made this offer to some in my community and the people taking me up on the offer: to chat; to dialogue; to learn; are middle-schoolers, high-schoolers, and newly graduated college students.  So many young people who describe anxiety and depression as “totally normal”.  I used to believe the stereotypes that it was only the “middle aged” or the newly unemployed who faced these challenges (and was typically remedied with a “rub some dirt on it” mentality), but as you read and listen to the reports, the stories, and see the behaviors…this is officially “the norm” for so many of our children.  Let’s work to stop this.

If you know someone struggling, I’m letting you know that I’ve been there, I’ve begun to see a way more peaceful way of living and I am here to listen.  Change will take discipline, courage, and it takes vulnerability, so if you want to explore a new way of thinking and behaving…I’m here. 

Is it worth living...

If you enjoy these posts – you might enjoy a copy of my book, “Happiness is Over There” – which is a personal memoir detailing the stories, learnings, and exercises I used to shift my life from dark and chaotic to a life of light and productivity.  You can buy a signed copy at www.paperclipthinking.com or you can email me at travis@paperclipthinking.com to arrange book delivery.

Is it worth living?  How would you answer that question?  What has you say yes or no?  Each of us when faced with that question will inevitably have some kind of perspective.  Those perspectives might be as shallow as a puddle or they could be as deep as the darkest depths of the ocean, and most will have answers that sit somewhere in the middle. I’ve spent more than 12 years answering that question and working to refine and support my answer with fresh experiences and data.  I wanted the data because my answer has changed over the years.  Yes- I’ve lived through periods (like so many have) where the idea of an “early exit” seemed plausible and I’m blessed to say that I’ve reflected back and share that 75% of my life has been filled with poetic reasons that support me in wanting to live and to explore and to learn on this planet. As one of my favorite philosophers, Osho, said, “never born-never died…just visited from 1972-?”.

The 2008-2018 time of my life was filled with intense learning due to a self-reflective project that was focused on my own personal accountability for choosing happiness and life over depression, anxiety, and early death.  I captured and journaled about experiences and my learning and I share my transition from dark to light with those who are interested in some change, themselves.

As a culmination of this project, I did something incredibly courageous… I wrote a letter to my family describing what led me to my depression and to the idea of “early death”.  I wrote this letter on September 19, 2018 and it was the first time I’d shared the explicit detail on paper.  I’ve read the letter to my wife and as a therapeutic way to gain closure on my “project” and as a way to open a new door of peace and happiness in my life. I made an agreement to live for a year working and living by the very principles that I discovered during my ten year project and I’ve been writing and exploring how I feel: mentally, physically, and spiritually. I wanted to see what life would feel like when someone practiced the principles that took me ten years to discover and refine. I’m following the five pillars of the Paperclip Thinking philosophy: I’m living life aligned to what I value of myself (being rested, being a story teller, being healthy, being a connector of people, and coaching those who request support), I hold myself accountable for all decisions I make, I reflect daily (through my journalism), I work to create value daily, and I’m intentional with how I live, each day. 

Here is what the last year taught me:

I’ve learned that it is nearly impossible to feel inspired if you only think about challenges in life.  Taking time to be vulnerable (with yourself and others) can be a good thing, yet only focusing that vulnerability on areas of improvement or negativity will crush your ability to smile.  In short- don’t be too hard on yourself.

I’ve learned that all things we experience will pass.  All of your decisions (and their consequences) will work out to be okay and nothing can impact your ability to choose peace and happiness, but you.  Your spirit will remain intently focused on harmony regardless of what you are experiencing, if you choose harmony and we get to choose, every day.

I’ve learned that I have placed money as the center gear of my life and I placed my happiness on the shoulders of that “money”.  I don’t recommend doing that.  Money is fun to have, it can make life’s journey easier, so I’m not advocating against having money, I’m simply suggesting that I had been working in reverse (do what I needed to do to get it), and I learned that if you focus on finding a way to earn the money through creating value for someone else (not doing anything necessary), doing something that inspires you…that is where special shit occurs (and that is what I do for a living now), so if you don’t feel aligned, call me and I’ll guide you through ways to get to the spot where I now sit.

I’ve learned that we are all part of a very special group - and there are so many fascinating stories, learnings, and experiences that you can gain when you spend time connecting with people, so please connect with as many people as you can.

I’ve learned that dialogue leads to connections, connections lead to opportunities and opportunities lead to partnerships - and this has become my mantra for living.

I’ve learned that this life if for YOU.  If you are in a dark place- that’s okay, because you aren’t alone.  Spark a torch – and you can spark that torch with dialogue and vulnerability.  Use that torch’s light to show you a different perspective on what you are going through and then remember the previous learnings I’ve shared in this article: don’t be too hard on yourself, all things will pass, focus on what inspires you, and connect with people.

Cheers to you and your journey…